For most of my life, people have felt comfortable enough to tell me about their personal issues and I feel honored for their trust.
In the last year, I have adopted the “Take It To The Source” mentality. What does “Take it to the source” mean? It means that if I have an issue with someone, I need to go directly to that person to resolve it instead of talking about that person or situation with someone else.
There are times when we need to process what happened or discover our feelings. If that is the case, go to a trustworthy neutral person who will help you breakthrough the issue. Remember there is a difference in “gossiping” and “processing”.
What is the difference between gossiping & processing?
Gossiping: This is when you just want to share what happened or tell your “victim story” over and over again without any intention to go back to the person. The purpose is to make yourself right by making the other person wrong. (This feeds your EGO.) Gossip is very destructive and will weaken every fiber in your body. So make sure you are clear as to what you want to accomplish… Resolution or self-destruction!
Processing: This is when you want to share what happened so that you are truly using this experience as a “teachable moment” and need assistance with learning the lesson. I recommend going to www.WhenYouNeedaFriend.com and go to my 100% responsibility page ;-). Answer the following questions…
- How did I create the situation? (Be honest with yourself… Nobody is perfect!)
- What did I learn or what are the gifts & lessons? (When you live your life looking for gifts & lessons, you will discover a new way to learn!)
- What is going to be different? (Instead of rehashing, think about possibilities to improve the relationship.)
Now that you have done this exercise, request a meeting with the other person. When you go to the person ask; “Are You Open?” If they are open, this is the time to discuss the issue or even better, what you learned from the issue or disagreement. If the person is not “open”, then schedule a time when they will be open. If the other person doesn’t know when that will be, thank them for their honesty and ask that they call you when they are open.
If you care about the person, create a “truce”. Let them know that you have had time to think about the difference of opinion and would like to take responsibility for the argument. (I promise they will want to hear what you have to say and if they don’t, then wait until they are ready.)
So here is another “random” A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh quote; “Think it over, think it under.” Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?
Everything, Every Moment & Everyone has a purpose; even a cockroach! (Yeah… If you don’t believe me, Google it! A Roach has a purpose too!)
Taking it to the source will support you in life. Taking responsibility for everything will create a new sense of Empowerment. Everything has purpose, even the argument/disagreement/issues… Even if you think you are right, it is up to us to figure out “the purpose”.
So the next time you find yourself in an uncomfortable situation, “think it over, think it under”… What great gems am I about to learn? Be grateful, for everything in life is a process. Don’t miss out on the opportunity to learn!