Lillian’s Published Articles In Florida Today

 

While watching “The Grinch Who Stole Christmas,” we would all quote our favorite lines. Our reactions were similar to the first year the kids watched it. We eventually would add our dog Max to our family and he would bark his favorite quotes as well.

 

For me, I always waited for the moment when the grinch placed his hand to his ear while preparing to hear all the “BooWho’s” down in Whoville. In his head, he experienced joy at the suffering of others.

 

How much time do we spend recalling our horrible past stories? How many of us have riches beyond belief but lack gratitude? How many of us do not know how we will pay for gifts or will even go into debt for that quick senseless gift that won’t be remembered or will go quickly out of style? How many of us will be alone again because of our refusal to forgive or reconcile with family members or former close friends?

 

What if the Grinch stole your Christmas or holiday? How would you reclaim it? How would you make it the best celebration EVER?

 

Although the Who’s had gifts, decorations, and their traditions, their focus was always about standing “Heart to Heart and Hand in Hand.” How can we do the same? Here are some suggestions that will help us focus on a HEART centered Christmas and Holiday Season.

 

Heal past hurts – Make a decision to forgive and release, so you can make room for true peace, love, and joy. Become aware of how those past hurts have made you who you are. Give your pain a purpose and your mess a mission. Know that things do not happen to you, they happen for you. With each twist and turn you will discover your experience was for the greater good. Find the good, the gift, and the lesson.

 

Embrace differences – So what if someone has a different perspective? Focus on what you have in common. Once you do that, the relationship improves. You will be able to defuse tension and embrace the person’s spirit, not what they believe. You don’t need to agree on everything. Be curious, not critical. And lovingly discover how to build from commonality.

 

Accept your current situation, even losses – Who said that you must go into debt in order to give a gift? The best gifts that I have ever received or given, did not deplete my savings account. Give coupons honoring the gift of time; clean a room, wash a car, make a meal, play games and, my favorite, write love letters honoring the people who matter most… Have fun and be creative!

 

Remember the simple things that brought you joy – For the toddler, the box was more important than the toy inside the box. “Be the box!” Sit with those you love, and recall the moments, achievements, and vacations that filled your heart. Please note: I realize that some of these special loved ones may no longer be on this earth. To remember them, place their spirit right in your heart. If tears or emotions arise, let them flow through you.

 

Think, Trust and be Thankful – Lovingly observe those you love. Ask your intuition to guide and tenderize your heart and share. Here is an example of what I mean: Sit knee to knee. Establish eye contact. Hold hands. And silently listen to the song by Rod Stewart called, “For the First Time.” (Look into their eyes until you see their spirit looking back.) After the song is over, pour gratitude and love over the person. If there are things from the past to clean up, ask for forgiveness (don’t defend). Thank them for who they are and for being in your life. Some rules: Use loving words only. NO “BUT’s” ALLOWED. Do not expect the other person to reciprocate. This is about giving. If the other person wants to share, that is ok, but it is not required.

 

Just like the Grinch realized, “Christmas came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes, or bags.” Maybe Christmas, he thought, doesn’t come from a store, maybe Christmas perhaps, means a little bit more…”  And that’s when they say, “the Grinch’s small heart grew 3 sizes that day.”

 

Who knew that watching “The Grinch Who Stole Christmas” was more than a tradition. It was a time of comfort, laughter, unity, and believe it or not, a life coaching session on unconditional love, forgiveness, and acceptance.

 

May this holiday season find you inviting a stranger or the estranged into your home to carve the “Roast Beast.” May this season give you the strength of “ten Grinches, plus two.” And may your heart grow 3 sizes, too.

 

Happy Holidays!

There are two test results that can come from our healthcare practitioner…  Negative or Positive.

If negative, we breathe a sigh of relief. Here again, there are two paths we can take. We can continue doing what we have been doing and, eventually, receive a positive diagnosis. Or we can stop and change our lifestyle.

If positive, we could choose to do something different, proven, and natural, that will not cause toxicity, side effects, or future complications in the body. Most will do what the medical professional tells them to do, and then will take whatever medications are prescribed, without questions or research.

The diagnosis becomes “the problem.” But what caused the disease? Could the body be speaking to us via symptoms (aka “disease”)? As an example, we could say, “I have type II diabetes and I need to be on medication for the rest of my life.” Or we could say, “I just learned that if I don’t change my eating habits and some of my behaviors, it could cause me to lose my limbs, have potential kidney failure, and even get dementia. My health is worth more than eating a piece of pie. I will choose to change my lifestyle, so I can reverse diabetes and my body will return to health!”

Please note: I believe we all have our own “Yellow Brick Road” to follow filled with gifts and lessons. I also do not judge those who choose the conventional approach to health.

 

When I was hit from behind, I did not go to a holistic doctor. I went to my favorite neurosurgeon. Although I was diagnosed with four herniations, a spinal compression and a torn left tendon in my shoulder, I considered the advice from my doctor and researched my options, including alternative therapies. It has been over a year since then and instead of pain medication, I continue to treat my body with microcurrent and Pulsed Electro Magnetic Therapy. (These are the same products I bring to my clients. If you want to learn more, send me an email.)

There are so many choices we can make. A healthy whole food plant-based diet (WFPB), along with positive thoughts, restorative sleep, gratitude, forgiveness, exercise, and connection to a higher power, are more beneficial than just taking a pharmaceutical pill, especially when there are no lifestyle changes. (Please research WFPB nutrition on www.pubmed.gov)

 

We become so attached to our disease and we act as though the diagnosis is the problem. Unfortunately, taking a pharmaceutical drug gives us permission to continue to eat poorly, stress regularly, and ignore our need to forgive the past hurts in our lives.

What if there was no pill for your disease? Would you change the way you live your life?

Countless guests and teachers on The Lillian McDermott Radio Show have shared how they have reversed heart disease, diabetes, lupus, fibromyalgia, MS, cancer and more, using natural methods.

 

Our bodies are constantly speaking to us and we call those “whispers,” or “shouts,” a “DISEASE.” What if we release our diagnosis and listen to our body as clues to health and wellness.

I have some suggestions to help us discover the reason our bodies are speaking through symptoms.

 

Diagnosis: I have learned that every disease has an emotional component affecting the body. As you learn about what each symptom means, choose to listen and

be willing to do the emotional work required to heal.

 

Intuition: We have been taught to ignore our intuition. Our intuition is the voice of our creator speaking to us. Listen and move towards natural health and wellness. Honor the divine that is speaking within you.

 

Seek: Be curious, not critical about alternative ways people have healed their bodies, even if the diagnosis is considered, “terminal.” If someone has survived it, you can too. Discover the deficiencies in your body. Choose a non-toxic approach that might require lifestyle changes.

 

Educate: The internet can be used to learn about options. How have others healed naturally? Research it on Google or YouTube! Listen to or watch my show which is now being broadcast on Facebook LIVE (@LilliansRadioShow at 8 am). Verify what you learn on www.pubmed.gov.

 

Awareness: Most of the time our bodies, if given what they need, will return to health. It might take some time but hey, it took some time to get the body sick. Get your “Soul Shovels” out and dig until there is only truth.

 

Select: Once you know all your options, including conventional treatments, choose an action plan that works best for your needs, deficiencies, and condition.

 Empower: Many will discourage you from integrative, functional, holistic ways to heal your mind, body, and spirit. Stand firm with the power of informed choice and lovingly show the naysayers, through your determination, that you can take your health back.

Don’t let a “diagnosis” define who you are or keep you from the life you desire.

Yes, there are horrible diagnoses. But it is amazing how we needlessly suffer from diseases that are manmade and easily reversed by treating our body like a temple, The Taj Mahal, and a beautiful gift from our Creator.

What is your body trying to tell you? Will you take the steps to listen and lovingly respond?

In the past, I truly believed that what doctors recommended for the treatment of cancer was “the gospel.” But after all these years listening, researching, and verifying holistic, alternative, integrative, and functional treatments from the experts on the show, I now believe that our bodies can heal through natural, non-toxic means, even from cancer.

 

The words, “I am sorry to tell you this, but the results of your MRI confirm there is a small tumor or mass on your clivus,” might take your breath away. At that moment all you hear is “YOU ARE GOING TO DIE A HORRIBLE DEATH, blah, blah, blah!”

 

The next question out of your mouth is, “What the heck is a clivus?” The doctor explains with technical terms, but my understanding is that the clivus sits under the skull and above the spine.

 

At that very moment, anyone could fall prey to someone selling any “cure.” Fear becomes your companion and the goal becomes to get rid of whatever is growing within your body. Well, at least that is what I went through just recently, when my MRI revealed this exact “incidental finding.”

 

I am sure everyone who gets a potentially life-threatening diagnosis could have different reactions, but I am sharing my experience.

 

The waiting is the worst…  With each passing day and sleepless night, I kept telling myself, this is a mistake and everything will be fine. I focused on EVERYTHING I have learned from the experts about my body’s healing powers. I immediately did some research and I consulted with some of my radio show experts. They were very helpful. I have kept my hopeful guard up but when I was tired or unaware, horrible thoughts would creep into my mind. I focused on what I want, and I chose to change my thoughts. (I have gotten good at this. 😉

 

The diagnosis… Although I am still waiting to learn more in my upcoming visit with a brain neurosurgeon, my heart has felt pain for those who have been told they have cancer and do not have any information about natural healing.

 

Unfortunately, once people receive a cancer diagnosis, “crystal ball” predictions start spewing from practitioners’ mouths. Predictions like, “You have 3 months to live,” “You will need 1 year of treatments,” or “This is the only option there is for you. And by the way, you need to start chemo 3 weeks ago!” Those are all guesses that get fearfully planted in the mind.

 

This is the model the cancer industry uses to guide and lead unsuspecting lambs to slaughter. Some people who chose chemo feel they were bullied into seeking this conventional treatment. (There was a time when I was one of those bullies!) Fire any doctor who tries to pressure or manipulate you with fear!

 

A fearful thought (I might not see my grandchildren grow up) creates a fearful feeling (burst into tears, hopelessness). And that fearful feeling converts into a fearful action! (I need to do chemo because everyone is telling me that it is my only option!)

 

 

Disclaimer:  Please do not misunderstand, I am not stating not to do chemotherapy, especially if you are not allergic to this treatment. I am sharing that there are other alternatives before administering a toxic known carcinogen.

 

Waiting is your friend… No good decision comes from fear. Cancer does not happen overnight. It grows for about 10 years before most get diagnosed. You do not need to make a rushed decision on treatment. Take a breath and assess your life. Ask yourself, “What are the things that have contributed to my getting sick?” (Stress, anger, lack of forgiveness, diet) and “What can I first do to heal naturally?” I have done many shows on these topics. Please visit my website for help.

 

According to the National Cancer Institute, “In 2018, an estimated 1,735,350 new cases of cancer will be diagnosed in the United States and 609,640 people will die from the disease.”

 

With trillions of dollars donated to cancer research, how can we accept this statistic?  

www.cancer.gov/about-cancer/understanding/statistics

 

These statistics are commonly accepted. But if one person dies choosing an alternative treatment, it makes the headline news and the doctor or treatment is vilified.

 

I know many survive chemotherapy and believe it is the only answer. But it is not without tremendous side effects. Sadly, we have all been convinced that this is the only way and commercial insurance will not pay for alternative ways to heal. Nor will they encourage patients to discover the root cause of why the body is sick.

 

I want to propose A New Truth…  The McDermott Holistic Healing Foundation (MHHF), a tax-exempt, 501(c)(3) organization, wants to change, educate, empower, and offer informed choices. Ultimately, we want to help pay for alternative, non-toxic ways to heal; mind, body and spirit!

 

Since October is when we see pink ribbons and tutu’s everywhere, and many are generously donating money, I ask that you please consider joining our mission at www.McDermottHolisticHealingFoundation.org.

 

Although I am at the beginning of my journey, I am grateful for those who have shown me the way to natural health. My body is speaking to me and I am listening. It is my job to lovingly give my body, mind, and spirit, what it needs to heal, naturally.

 

How is your body speaking to you? How will you respond? CYA… Consider Your Options to heal naturally.

 

The MHHF offers resources and hope about healing the body from Dys-ease. We need your help; your time, talent, and treasure. Please help us help those who are aware that a “one size fits all” treatment mentality is madness. Please Consider Your Alternatives… Donate Today!

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I have had the privilege of interviewing some amazing individuals who have inspired me to believe I can achieve the life of my Dreams. Though Determination, Drive and the ability to deal with Disappointments, I too can make a Difference… But how?

 

Many times, when we look at successful people, we might discount their success by saying, “their parents helped,” or “they got lucky.” And perhaps that is true, but many billionaires found passion in their poverty.

 

Oprah Winfrey, J.K. Rowling, and Ralph Lauren are but a few well-known powerful influencers who started from nothing. I am sure if you Google “billionaires who came from nothing,” you would be surprised at how many experienced poverty and tragic childhoods.

 

I know many beautiful people who came from refugee camps, dysfunctional homes, foreign lands, addictions or abuse, and they have created amazing lives. Their desire to get out of their horrific situation was greater than their fear of failure.

 

I have seen consistent attributes that I like to call, “The 5 D’s For Success.” These amazing people are open to Dream big and have laser focused Determination. Their Drive helped them achieve success and see the purpose in Disappointments. And they used their journey to make a Difference with others.

 

And now for my disclaimer… Reading this article might not make you a billionaire but perhaps it will enhance the way you view the power within to create your “lucky break.”

 

As I contemplated these qualities, it occurred to me that we could also use the 5 D’s for our health; our mind, body, and spirit….

 

We take who we are into everything we do. Who shows up at school or work? Who builds our relationships? Who is responsible for our physical body, our emotional and spiritual wellbeing? Who can make this world a better place? Interestingly enough…  You (and Me)!

 

“Exercise is king. Nutrition is queen. Put them together and you’ve got a kingdom.” Jack LaLanne

 

There are many factors that impact our health. Our nutrition, exercise patterns and the way we deal with stress, to name a few. But let me focus on one important factor that often gets overlooked.

 

A 2003 Journal of the National Medical Association paper states: “In 1981, a landmark study reviewing the charts of Kaiser-Permanente patients concluded that 60-90% of physician visits reflect emotional distress and somatization.” (Somatization is defined in dictionary.com as: the production of recurrent and multiple medical symptoms with no discernible organic cause.)

 

Lee Cowden, MD, eloquently stated on my show, “it is a lot cheaper to heal the body when we first deal with the emotional and spiritual traumas within us.” Countless other practitioners have stated that they believe 95% of all illness is caused by an emotional incident.

 

Can our lack of awareness on how to deal with perceived negative life events, or perhaps our unwillingness to do so, be keeping us from living truly abundant lives?

 

If this is true, then why do we re-live, neglect, diminish, belittle, or ignore past hurts?

 

It is time to use everything we have within us, including the 5 D’s, to truly be successful. Not just financially but also physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

 

Please consider “taking out your ‘Soul Shovel’ and dig, dig, dig, until there is only truth.” ®

 

Here are some ideas to get you started.

 

Dream: To quote loosely from an Indian proverb ~ A healthy person has a thousand Dreams. A sick person has only one!

Many people forget to dream about optimal health. They forget to ask, “what kind of health do I want and what am I willing to do to achieve it?” Are you being told that you will always be sick? If so, I suggest learning about nutritional excellence and a Whole Food Plant-Based diet. What if there was a better, different way to health?

Action: Declare the health you want and research Joel Fuhrman, MD, and alternative ways to heal.

 

Determination: “Determination is the wake-up call to the human will.” Anthony Robbins

Willpower alone might not get you the health you want. There are so many examples of centenarians who are living healthy lives. Find “determination” before being diagnosed from a disease.

Action: Research “centenarians Loma Linda” and be open to learn their secrets.

 

Drive: “Drive slow and enjoy the scenery – drive fast and join the scenery.” Douglas Horton

We may have ignored our past hurts but once we become aware, it could take time to reconcile each pain. Willingness to look at the past with curiosity and compassion might require a strong “emotional” bank account. It is time to build your “selfcare” account, in a loving way.

Action: Exercise, nature, yoga, journaling, art, dancing…  Have fun discovering what fills your emotional account.

 

Disappointment: “Disappointments are to the soul what a thunderstorm is to the air.”  Friedrich Schiller

There may be people in our past who have hurt us “beyond repair.” How we perceive the pain will make a difference in how long the pain will remain within us. Identify the pain. Replace “Why did this happen To me?” with “How did this happen For me?”

Action: Go to the 100% Responsibility page at WhenYouNeedaFriend.com and answer the 4 questions for each disappointment encountered. (Write them down.)

 

Difference: “It’s easy to make a buck. It’s a lot tougher to make a difference.” Tom Brokaw

The fourth question in taking 100% Responsibility is “How can I use my experience to help someone else?” By sharing how you embraced and successfully got through past hurts, it could help someone just going through what you went through. When we can find purpose in our pain, we can use our journey as fuel rather than poison.

Action: Find a group or organization that mirrors your journey. Even if we are not at the end of our journey, we can help someone at the beginning of theirs.

 

When we go through pain, things may seem unbearable. Divine gratitude helps everything seem purposeful.

 

Finding purpose in trauma could renew your will and give you the power to stay focused on your health goals. What is the advantage of having wealth if we are not truly happy or healthy?

 

If your health (your mind, body, and spirit) is not what you want it to be, how can you use “The 5 D’s For Success” to create the health you want?

According to the Miriam-Webster dictionary, a friend is someone attached to another by affection or esteem. One that is not hostile. One that is of the same nation, party, or group, and a favored companion. (Simple enough. But not all friendships are created equal.)

We may have heard that there are friends that come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. The kind of relationship I am highlighting is the true “lifetime” friendship, not a person we casually meet at a bar or with whom we share a brief encounter. (That would be called an “acquaintance.”)  I am also not referring to “toxic” friendships. Those friendships require prompt termination. Soul searching, or discernment will help determine if the relationship possesses some form of a deal breaker.

The special friends I want to highlight may come from our childhood, high school, college, adulthood, and even from within our family. (Even if they had not been related to us, we would choose them as our friend.)

So where are these friends today? Are they still in your life? Do you think of them often? Do you stop what you are doing to let them know you are thinking of them?  Do you miss them? What would it be like if they were back in your life? When was the last time you told them you loved them?

Sometimes, instead of working on those special friendships, it might be easier to replace them with new friends. New friends are fabulous and add to our lives. But what about those older friendships that meant so much in our past… Why have they stopped being significant?

Somehow, because of distance, busyness, disagreements, misunderstandings, or challenges in life, these friendships lose their connection and we might label them as less important. One might even say, they have been “taken for granted.”

What caused the disconnect? How can we reconnect with these wonderful people who helped our past feel complete?

How often do we focus on the differences in the relationship such as culture, religion, politics, nutrition, preferences? If at the core we have many similarities, why then would we focus on our differences?

Just recently I reached out to a lifetime friend. Although words were never spoken about it, the relationship had grown distant. We texted occasionally and kept connected through social media. Knowing I wanted to improve our connection, I texted that I wanted to secure a date to reconnect. We agreed on a date 3 months in the future and decided on a “slumber party.”  OMG…  I felt like I was back in college!

As I prepared for her arrival, 34 years of our crazy fun past, along with many emotionally somber moments, came flooding into my mind. We were there for each other through weddings, births, baptisms, divorce, graduations, and funerals. When we saw each other it was like Christmas morning!

Within hours of talking at the beach, reminiscing about the old, and catching up on the new, our friendship was refreshed and grew even stronger. Strong enough to lovingly mend, patch, and clean up any misunderstanding.

What can we do to bring beautiful people who were once important back into our lives? I have some suggestions. But first, let’s take out our “Soul Shovel and dig, dig, dig, until there is only truth.”®

I would like to challenge you to reach out to a lifetime friend. Someone who has made a difference in your life but there has been little or no contact for a while.

I have some amazing friends but remaining connected with older relationships requires dedication and commitment. It is important to discern the worth of lifetime friend. I created some suggestions using the acronym FRIENDSHIP!

 

Focus on what you want for the relationship. Don’t dwell on what is wrong.

Remember the moments that brought connection and joy.

Initiate a communication call to say, “I miss you,” not “Where have you been?”

Encourage growth, adventure, and share how much you believe in them.

Nurture the relationship while holding it in high regard.

Discern if your unrealistic expectations led to disappointment in your friend.

Support – Ask, “How can I support you through_____?” (Growth, change, etc.)

Humor – Laugh, giggle, be silly, dance, celebrate, and be joyful.

Introduce your “lifetime” friends to your “new” friends. Build your tribe.

Priority – I get it, we are all busy… Create time for the future and protect it.

 

We can focus on why the relationship was lost or we can create a new one that is stronger.

Who are these friends? Make a list, create time, and reminisce with them. Let them know how they impacted your life. Even if the relationship has become outgrown and priorities are different, at least you have honored a person who made a difference in your life.

So, if you will excuse me, I have some more calls to make and new memories to create… How about you? Who is that special person or people that would make your life even more special? Maybe it is time to be and to act like the friend you want to have.

Here is the normal progression for our behavior… First, we have a thought. That thought converts into a feeling. Then, the feeling promotes action. Fear-filled thoughts will alter our life.

 

If FEAR keeps us from what we want, how can we break the cycle?

 

I use the word FEAR as a reminder to Follow Every Avenue Required to live the life I desire. Regardless of how scared I feel, this acronym reminds me to shift my focus towards what I desire.

 

It is time to reclaim our power and shift… Let’s focus on what we want. Then perhaps we can be part of the solution.

 

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.”

Marianne Williamson

We live in an abundant world… There is enough abundance for everyone. But how can we change our focus from “lack” and create abundance?

 

As we learn a new truth about abundance, it is important to journal your journey. Later, when you need encouragement, you can pick up your own journal and be inspired by your own words.

 

The world says, “Fake it till you make it.”  I say, “Feel it, until you believe it!”

 

Here are a few suggestions on how to break the cycle and focus on abundance:

 

Strategize

• Write what you want and dream bigger than imagined. Create a mission statement for this dream. Make sure you have a target date for completion. Read this statement every morning when you wake up and every night before you go to bed. Ex: “I will get off all diabetes medication by 11/30/18. I will change my lifestyle, release 30 lbs., and be healthy. I intend to do this through nutrition, exercise, meditation, and healthy sleeping habits. I will take my health back, naturally!”

Organize

• Break down your goal into bite sizes and create an action plan. Each action must have at least 3 steps to achieve the goal. Ex:  Get off diabetes medication by 11-30-18.

1. Change to a Whole Food Plant Based lifestyle (be specific)
   1. Get “The End of Dieting” book today by 2 pm
   2. Listen to The Lillian McDermott Show M-F at 12 & 5 pm.
   3. Read book, throw out junk, and purchase GBOMBS by (xx/xx/xx)
2. Release 30 lbs. by (10/30/18)
   1. 30 min of cardio (Monday/Wednesday/Friday at 6 am)
   2. Remember, add all steps required
   3. Again, all steps will have a timeline. As you complete each step, check it off your list.

Learn

• If you need specialized training or education in order to achieve your goals, make a plan to enroll, learn, and grow. There are so many ways to become an expert without spending a lot of money.

Ex: 1. Research today 2. Call tomorrow 3. Enroll by (xx/xx/xx)

 

Urgency

• Now is all you have. Use your “now” wisely. If your step can be done today, then do it today! It is perfectly fine if your goals are long term but have short-term goals to keep the progress going. When creating a timeline, be realistic.

Think Positively

• 90% of our thoughts are reoccurring ones. 80% of those thoughts are negative. Sometimes things we view as “bad” can occur. Address the situation but also look beyond the emotion and find the value and purpose. Ex: “I didn’t get the promotion. Although I am disappointed, I know that something better is waiting for me. I am grateful.”

Intuition

• Pay attention to what your body is telling you. Acknowledge your feelings and emotions and allow them to pass. Use your God-given senses to create and think outside the box. Be humble and know that you were created to be successful.

Open

• Along your journey, there will be people that will offer feedback. Be curious, flexible, and willing to consider that perhaps there is another way to achieve the same or better results.

Needs

• Everyone you encounter will become part of your journey. Although you have needs, please keep in mind that you too are part of someone else’s journey and they will have needs as well. It is not just about “receiving.” It is also about “giving.” Be aware and generous because there is enough abundance for all.

 

So, if I am the solution and I can no longer blame others, what about the people who refuse to change?  Even if there is a person we perceive as “The Problem,” remember, we are still the solution. Get creative and choose to lead by example.

 

If we focus on the problem, we get more problems. Continue to focus on being the solution. Ultimately, we attract what we want and we can choose who surrounds us.

 

Can you imagine a world where we all work together towards achieving the solution?

 

I Am The Solution and this shift of focus has liberated me and restored my passion. Will you shift too? Be The SOLUTION.

My earliest memories of my father are playful. I remember when my father would come home from work. I would run to him yelling “ah-chin-chun-chan, daddy… ah-chin-chun-chan!” Daddy would pick me up, raise me to the heavens, and exclaim, “ah-chin.” Then he would bring me down to his waist with my legs straddling his body and he would proclaim, “chun.” And, with the agility of a summer Olympian, he would flip me over. I was always ready for my dismount and, as I would flip, he declared, “chaaaan!” By then, I was squealing with joy landing on my feet. That was the best ride in town!!! I also love dancing with my father. At 87 years of age, he still has a way of twirling me around so fast that my goal is to stay balanced and vertical.

Fathers can make their little girls feel like the most beautiful princess and we always seem to find our “prince charming” who matches our father. Little boys worship their superhero dads and want to be just like them when they grow up.

According to dictionary.com, the definition of “Father” ranges from male parent or clergy, to “a man who exercises paternal care over other persons; paternal protector or provider”

I researched some statistics on fatherless homes and here is what I learned from the US Census Bureau:

23.6% of US children (17.4 million) lived in fatherless homes in 2014. These children are:

• Four times more likely to live in poverty
• More likely to have behavioral problems, commit a crime, go to prison, and abuse drugs and alcohol
• Two times more likely to suffer obesity
• Two times more likely to drop out of high school
• Seven times more likely to become pregnant as a teen

Fathers are so important that when they are missing from the home, it is said that it leaves a hole in a child’s soul.

 

Yes, fathers are essential to our personal growth. They are one of our greatest teachers of how to be and, sometimes, how NOT to be.

As a side note to all you wonderful dads, please consider becoming a mentor to a child with a less than ideal father.

I reached out to many of the beautiful men in my life and took an “unscientific” poll on how men view the role of fatherhood, from the perspective of a son and of a father.

I asked five simple questions…

1. Do you feel valued as a father?
2. Do or did you have a good relationship with your father?
3. What is/was the greatest lesson you learned from your dad?
4. What is a lesson you hope you have taught your child/children?
5. Please share a single word to describe fatherhood.

For the most part, their responses were brief and to the point. In reading their responses, I felt privileged to see a glimpse of their contribution, dreams, desires, and aspirations.

I realized that although some did not feel close to their father, there was still a sense of admiration and respect. They owed their sense of work ethic, integrity, humility, faith, and service, to their dads. These special fathers desired to teach their own children the same lessons, along with acceptance of mistakes, and true unconditional love.

Some of the words they used to describe fatherhood were joy, blessing, guidance, giving, rewarding and awesome.

As you know, it would not be my article without an acronym…  So here is the rest of my “unscientific” poll, in the words of men who are fathers.

Extra advice from valuable fathers…

F – Faith… God first and then family

A – Appear… Attend events, show your children they matter

T – Teacher… Learn from mistakes, choose happiness, never give up

H – Honest…  Tell the truth, have integrity

E – Earner… Work hard to provide, be self-sufficient, value education

R – Responsible…  Be thankful, be grateful, love unconditionally

I am grateful for all the beautiful superhero dads who selflessly give without expecting much. They are worth so much more than they will ever know.

On this day, please take the time to acknowledge the fathers, living or ascended, who gave you life, inspired you, and molded who you are today. (Even the fathers who were or are less than perfect.)

Happy Father’s Day!

It took a while to get my “mommy mojo” on. Everything I did revolved around her. I needed to learn a new kind of language. I needed to “baby proof” the house. And it became apparent that I needed to take parenting courses.

I was hypervigilant about germs and fearful of anything happening to her. My pediatrician, Dr. John McKey, who just recently ascended at the age of 100, was my rock.

If my first child would sniffle, I would call Dr. McKey and my mom. Both were invaluable by letting me see that everything would be ok. By the time I had my last child, if any of my kids “coughed up a lung,” I would look at them and say, “no worries, you’ve got another!” If they fell, I would cheer and say, “Nice stunt!”

As a mom, I treated this new job no different than running a business and my baby was my valued client. I got up 2 hours before her. By the time she woke up, I had everything prepared, my makeup on, fully dressed, and ready to take on the day. (My mother taught me this through her example!) I remember asking my mom, “Mommy, where are you going?” She would reply, “to the kitchen, want to come?”

After a while, I felt confident that I had this “mommy thing” down. I was the room mom in all my kids’ classes, I would volunteer, and I did not miss a thing.

I remember someone telling me, “Little Kids, little problems, big kids, big problems!” Honestly, I thought, “how could they think that?” It took every cell in my being to just keep up with all my kids’ activities. To think this was the easy part…  Yikes!

As the kids got older, it became apparent they needed me more…  Skinned knees turned into bruised hearts. Scheduling “playtime” turned into monitoring their friends. (My mom would say, “Show me your friends and I will tell you who you are!”) Oh yeah, my mom had all these “silly” sayings… until I found myself quoting her. Then, it wasn’t silly, just wisdom. 😉

Then something happened. One by one, the children left the home… My “hands on” mothering was not needed. My brilliant quotes were no longer appreciated, and I was no longer the important figure in my kids’ lives.

Phase 2: Empty Nest…  Friends, trends, relationships, “independence,” and life became more important in my kids’ lives than me! What happened? I tried increasing my power to gain my children’s attention even more… That didn’t work!

Phase 3: Who am I? The more I wanted to feel like I belonged in my children’s lives, the more I was reminded, “I did not matter!” This was such a crisis in my life that I finally acknowledged the pinhole in my soul. I started to investigate why I felt this way. Sure, I could blame my hormones or the “aging process.” But I was still young. (Or at least I felt young!)

With no diapers to change, no booboos to kiss, no graduations to plan, now what?

It took a little time, but I think I figured it out… It was time for me! It was time to take out my “Soul Shovel” _SM and dig, dig, dig, until there was only truth!” 

I loved being a “mommy.” It taught me sacrifice, creativity, forgiveness, resourcefulness unconditional love and how to manage terrorists.

 

I have helped raise the most beautiful, independent children. I love when our children and grandbabies visit, and I savor each moment we are together. Although I love them with every cell of my being, we are only their “mommy” for a short time in their lives. At this point, I just want to be their friend and cheerleader.

This is the time to find new passions, to establish new friendships and nurture old ones, to grow with our partner, to seek adventures, to reconnect with our higher power, and to help our neighbors.

If you find yourself at phase 3 then it is time to rediscover your passion, seek independence, be bold, and love yourself for who you are. (Just like we taught our children to do.)

No matter what phase we are in as a mother, we need to know that we have done the best we could, with what we had. (Just like our mothers.) It is important that our children know that we are human and we have experienced many growth opportunities (a/k/a “mistakes.”) It is ok to admit this to our children and it is ok to ask for forgiveness.

Look how much growth and opportunity this job holds:

 

Phase 1                  –        Phase 3

M – Multitasker     –        Mentor

O – Organizer        –        Open to change

T – Teacher            –        Thoughtful

H – Healer              –        Helper

E – Empowering    –        Empowered

R – Resourceful     –        Responsible

They say that the woman who starts a marathon is not the same woman who finishes the race. The woman who becomes a mother (via the womb or the heart), is not the same mother who takes her final breath surrounded by those who love her most. This reminds me that, although I am not in phase 4, my mom is closer to phase 4 than I am.

 

Phase 4: Dependence… This is the phase that we realize we have returned to our childhood needs. We need help from those we love. As a daughter, I must remember the sacrifices of my mother and gently love her through this phase. That way I can teach my children how to love me when I get advanced in age.

If a child was birthed in your heart or from your womb, know that you hold the most important, thankless job anyone could wish for, EVER. The pay is horrible. But the benefits are eternal.

                        

Happy Mother’s Day!

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We go through life victimizing ourselves… We complain about our lack, criticize those in power, and numb our pain with food, drugs, work, internet, or sex. We don’t want to feel any discomfort or pain. We worry about what other’s think of us and allow those same people to steal our joy. We go through life without a plan and proclaim, “these are the cards I was dealt!” Is this really living?

 

“Your body will not forget what your brain wants to neglect!” _{Lillian McDermott}

 

Last year I attended Dr. Mona Lisa Schulz “Medical Intuition” Bootcamp. I discovered that past hurts are recorded into our white blood cells (WBC). These WBC reside in different parts of our body and cause inflammation. When we ignore our past hurts, our body starts to speak to us through symptoms. (I know… as crazy as this sounds, there is documented research to support this. Please see the image below and extra links regarding WBC.)

 

Emotional                                     Physical

By becoming aware of our physical manifestations or symptoms, we can trace them back to the probable root cause. Once we discover the root cause, we can lovingly heal the wounded child within us. Please Note: Nutrition, Exercise, Sleep, and Temperament are all important to optimal health and healing. Just like a little bird, our NEST must be in balance!

 

So, for a moment, let’s take out our “Soul Shovels”_SM and lovingly dig, dig, dig, until there is only truth.

 

Were you inappropriately touched as a child? Have you witnessed or been part of physical or emotional abuse? Have you been told that you were bad, don’t deserve, or don’t matter? Were you criticized or shamed? Are you under or overweight? Do you have unhealthy relationships, including drugs or food? Are you disenchanted, discontent, or disconnected?

 

If you answer “YES” to any of these questions, I wonder… How many “diagnoses” you have been given and now own? How many “pills” do you take?

 

When I learned the information from Dr. Mona Lisa, I was able to look at each healing center, or “chakra,” in my body and discover the emotional connection to every “diagnosis” I had ever been given, with childhood trauma. Then, I loved myself from the pain through acceptance and started to see the purpose of each experience.

 

Healing is not always outside of us, in a pill form. It is mostly within us as we connect with our creator. Now, when my body speaks, I listen!

 

Our bodies speak to us and want to align with our minds and spirits. But first we must become our own MD, (Medical Detective), and become the hero in our story.

 

As we find purpose, for the pain, we will make peace with our past. We can only do this by taking 100% Responsibility for our lives and our dreams. (Go to https://www.lillianmcdermott.com/100-responsibility/ to help you start the process.)

 

Here are the steps that will help us to AWAKEN…

Awareness – Ask, “How is my body speaking to me through symptoms?”

Wisdom – Curiously, look back, dig deep, and see the patterns. Start the shift.

Acknowledge –Name the trauma, how it feels, and how it has affected you.

Kindness – Change negative self-talk and be patient, loving and gentle.

Empower – Discover the gifts & lessons of your past. Be grateful!

Nurture – Ask, “When was my first memory of this painful experience?” Give the child within, what it needed at that time. Be your own hero.

 

We are in choice. When we choose to focus on only one third of the problem (our bodies), then we are ignoring two thirds of what may be important parts of the “solution” (our mind and our spirit). Eventually, with each prescribed pill or over the counter “remedy,” the side effects will become a distraction that will take us further away from what is truly going on.

 

Everything has purpose in life… We can be ashamed, afraid, or angry about our past or we can accept and be curious about the greater purpose in the pain.  Use your past as fuel, not poison.

Be bold!  It’s time to AWAKEN, to dig deep into your body, mind, and spirit… Your body wants to love you. Will you love your body back? Wake up, Wake up, WAKE UP!

 

Articles:  http://www.pnas.org/content/104/4/1319

 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/genes-and-the-environment/201011/childhood-stress-and-lifelong-health

 

I decided that I was neglecting my marketing company and after a busy week of traveling, meetings, marketing calls, follow up…  Then, with The Lillian McDermott Radio Show there are daily research, interviews, and deadlines. Add the fact that I am also a wife, mom, sister, friend, while selling a condo in Orlando! My body was screaming “WARNING, WARNING!”  My brain woke up at 2:30 am to work on and finish my weekly blog when my body started increasing its volume!  Every ounce of me wanted to get everything from my “to do” list checked off but as I stopped long enough to pay attention, I noticed the shallow breathing, the stomach ache, exhaustion and I gave in to my body after 3 hours working. I went back to bed, when I started thinking about my sunrise…  I was at that time that my body Yelled, “I WILL WAKE YOU UP WHEN YOU GET SOME REST!

I woke up at 8 am and began to prepare my smoothie and breakfast. Although I was going through the motions of preparing my smoothie, my brain started counting all the deadlines of the day.  Again, my breath changed and my body started to breathe shallow from my chest and not from my diaphragm.  The thought of “I need to get my list done” was overridden as my body lovingly said, “It is ok to go to the beach, replenish, recharge, restore!” After a great walk on the beach, I sat of my beach chair, took out my notebook and my office became the greatest place EVER… DABEACH!  How many times do we ignore our body?  Our body loves us but how do we love our body back?

I wonder if we were given the keys to the holiest temple or the Taj Mahal, would we allow terrorist in?  Not intentionally!  Sometimes we don’t know the face of the enemy until a bomb goes off and that instant awareness is too late.  How can we learn to prevent the attack? Our body is a temple, the holiest of holies, and should be included in the list of the “7 Wonders of the World!” Our body is precious, loyal and efficient…  It will take us from infancy until we take our final breath.  We do hold the keys to our “temple,” it’s called “our body” but why are we constantly allowing the “terrorists” in?  What do our terrorists look like?  Who & What are they?  What can we do, if anything, to stop them?  It is time to take out our “Soul Shovel…  and dig, dig, dig, until there is only truth!”_sm

Unfortunately, we’re not born with an “owner’s manual” but if we had one it would detail that there is enough evidence based medical research to support that a whole food, plant based lifestyle will keep our body’s “gas tank” running smoothly.  Somewhere along the way we have been convinced by most doctors and the pharmaceutical industry to take a pill to alleviate pain, correct digestive issues, reverse heart disease, high cholesterol or diabetes.  There is No pill that can do what a whole food plant base diet can do.  (ok, ok…  I will stop but please research this truth on PubMed and you can also listen to my radio show.)

RECENT FINDINGS: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/28887684 (CVD)

“Evidence from prospective cohort studies indicates that a high consumption of predominantly plant-based foods, such as fruit and vegetables, nuts, and whole grains, is associated with a significantly lower risk of CVD. The protective effects of these foods are likely mediated through their multiple beneficial nutrients, including mono- and polyunsaturated fatty acids, omega-3 fatty acids, antioxidant vitamins, minerals, phytochemicals, fiber, and plant protein. In addition, minimizing intake of animal proteins has been shown to decrease the prevalence of CVD risk factors. Substantial evidence indicates that plant-based diets can play an important role in preventing and treating CVD and its risk factors. Such diets deserve more emphasis in dietary recommendations.”

CONCLUSIONS: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/27299701 (T2D)

“Our study suggests that plant-based diets, especially when rich in high-quality plant foods, are associated with substantially lower risk of developing T2D. This supports current recommendations to shift to diets rich in healthy plant foods, with lower intake of less healthy plant and animal foods.”

Our bodies have the capacity to heal when given what it needs.  We would never add sand into our car’s gas tank and expect it to run. Why?  (We research our owner’s manual!)  By taking a “Soul Shovel” assessment, you can hear/feel your body speaking to you.  So what is it saying? (“SS” = No judgement, Blame, Fault…  Just Love!)

Listen your body, it speaks through SYMPTOMS: Signs (or Symbols) Your Mind Points To, On Many Stages! Here are a few examples but I am sure you can dig even deeper.

SYMPTOM:  Headache…  SS:  How much water have I had today? Have I eaten? What did I eat? Did I get enough sleep? What is causing stress?  Before taking “a pill,” please Consider: Meditation, Hydration, Nutrition, Supplements and make adjustments.

SYMPTOM: Diabetes (or any disease)… SS:  How much soda’s, sugar, fat, processed and fast foods do I consume? Am I keeping animal products less than 15%? Am I giving my body the nutrients it needs?  Before taking “a pill,” please Consider:  A Whole Food Plant Base diet.

SYMPTOM: Anxiety and depression…  SS: How’s my time management? Are my thoughts positive? Have I eaten nutritious foods? Have I consumed enough water? Do I need to reconnect with nature, self or a higher power? Have I forgiven myself and others? Have I forgotten how precious I truly am? Before taking “a pill,” please Consider: Meditation, Hydration, Nutrition, Supplements, Counseling and make adjustments.

I am not against taking pills…  I am for doing everything possible to identify the terrorists in our own life!

It is time to stop treating “things” better than our own body…  It is time to love our bodies the way it deserves.  Let’s not wait until a bomb goes off with a preventable diagnosis.  I have been ignoring the “tick, tick, tick…” but I hear the screams. Thank You body, I am listening to my SYMPTOMS.  What is your body telling you?  Will you listen?

 “You can take a Pill or You can take Responsibility”_{® Lillian McDermott}     

How would your life be different today, if you learned that you only had one week to live? Would you want to make some urgent changes or would you continue living life as you have been? Please take a moment to contemplate that question… But first, take out your “Soul Shovel” (sm) and dig, dig, dig, until there is only truth!

This exercise is an opportunity to create something different and possibly get in touch with your feelings without expectation or fear of rejection. Quietly, please create a mindset of only having one week to live… Once you have achieved the emotions, freely write any awareness that comes to mind. I will share what I think I would do. I will be the first to become vulnerable. First, I would confirm that all my affairs are in order. Then, I would surround myself with my family and friends.

Although they all know how much I love them, I would make sure, there was no doubt. I would schedule time with each one individually, with no distractions. At our scheduled time together, I would stand face to face, look deep into their eyes, and hold their hands. Slowly, I would take my right hand and place it over my heart. Then I would take my left hand and place it over their heart… No words needed, just gratitude. (Wow, tears are flowing, just thinking about this!)

After we wipe away our tears, I would give each a treasured possession and I would acknowledge their goodness. I would take 100% responsibility for the times my behavior was unflattering and ask for their forgiveness. Then, after we embrace with a kiss and all the words are spoken, I would ask them to dance with me. We would dance like no one was watching to Elvis Crespo’s “Suavemente.” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_T_SIDKGRjs (Whenever “Suavemente” comes on, my husband and children run to dance with me. They all know I want this to be the last song played at my memorial service! I visualize everyone laughing, dancing, and remembering fun times.)

Here is the deal… We have no clue, and no one can tell us, when that last day will happen. However, it is up to us to create this kind of urgency in our lives all the time. We can tell those we love and those difficult to love, how much they mean to us. If we have just one week to live, I am certain that sharing love and modeling love would be foremost in our minds. But what can we do to have this urgency all the time?

To get started, I hope you still have your “Soul Shovel” (sm) out, so you can dig deep. Here are some questions to ask as you examine your relationships:

Who are the people that mean the most?
What is the status of each relationship?
Which are the relationships that need mending?
Is being right more important than reconciliation?
Whom do I need to forgive?
Whom can I ask for forgiveness?
What can I do to mend the relationship?
What kind of legacy do I want to leave behind?
What do I think people will say about me at my funeral?

Sometimes, we take those we love the most for granted. We hold them to a higher standard than we hold ourselves or anyone else. We can be critical, judgmental, and resent them for not meeting our “unrealistic” and, often, unspoken expectations. We too can contribute to the drama in our lives. So how can we model LOVE instead?

Here are some suggestions:

L – Learn about loved ones with a spirit of curiosity and understanding

O – Offer deliberate and random acts of service

V – Vulnerably share what you need and ask what they need

E – Encourage Everyone… Let them know how much you believe in them.

Please do not wait to until “tomorrow,” or when you are sick or dying, to model LOVE this way. Life is Urgent!

February is “Heart” month and Valentine’s Day is quickly approaching… So, why not work on matters of the heart? Instead of buying sugary chocolates that cause inflammation, diabetes, and disease in the body, I suggest that you write a love or gratitude letter and make that your gift. Tell them how you truly feel and why you love them. My heart feels joy just thinking about it!

Let LOVE be the roadmap that leads you to deeper and more meaningful relationships. Remember, “Tomorrow” is only an illusion. Love with urgency. Create what you want today! Now, it is your turn… Will you consider sharing with those you love, how special they are to you? 

Have you ever wondered where truth comes from? Originally, our truth comes from our parents’ truth. They received their truth from their parents and so on. But what if there was a flaw in that truth? What if that truth was based on comfort or fear? What if that truth came from preference and not evidence? Believing you hold “THE Truth” can sometimes be dangerous… Feeling better than, or angry at “those “ignorant” people who do not share your views? This attitude can hold us captive, create division, and keep us from embracing or accepting others with a different view. There are churches, denominations, and cults that have excommunicated people for having a different thought. There are bigots, racists, elitists, cultures, and even, governments who have eliminated those they view as “undesirables”! We don’t need to agree with another person’s beliefs. But we can attempt to understand why they believe as they do while protecting those discriminated against or targeted in hate crimes.

“Truth” can become parameters to life and also become our “limiting beliefs” that keep us from exploring, creating, and growing. For example, there are those who believe that without an education, you will never have success… Mark Zuckerberg, Richard Branson and Bill Gates would tell us otherwise. (According to the Fortune.com August 8, 2016 article, 3 out of 10 billionaires do not have a college degree.) So, as we enter the new year, it is time for each of us to take out our “Soul Shovel”SM and do a little digging into our own truth. I wonder if you are willing to play a new game of “Truth or Dare?” This time, you get to examine your “truths.”

Here are the rules:
If you choose “dare” – You will need to jump into a pool with hungry sharks. Oh yeah, you are not in a cage aaand there is no protection. Good Luck with this choice!
If you choose “Truth” – You will discover the root of your beliefs as if there were no horrible consequences for expressing your truth. Please consider writing down your truths in your special journal. Once they are written down, here are some questions to help you discover the root of your truth:

Where did my truth come from? What caused my belief? How old was I when I first learned this truth? Who am I without this belief?

Has my truth kept me from;
The life I really want to live?
Accepting other’s truth?
Including those who do not share my beliefs?
Walking a mile in someone else’s shoes?
Feeling joy, adequate, or complete?

Here is an example of my new truth… When I discovered medical evidence that certain foods could heal my body, I made drastic changes in my nutrition. Many people I loved made fun of my new way of eating. Breaking from what is familiar or popular can make us the target of ridicule, but researching facts can help us stay strong. Here is the beautiful thing about truth… 20 years later, the same people who made fun of me are changing their nutrition to heal their own bodies. Facts do not need defending. Now that we have examined our beliefs, it might be a good time to examine how we respond to the beliefs of others. Please consider the following:

Think: Is this fact or opinion? Is your truth rooted in fear or love?

Respect: Be curious NOT critical about another’s perspective.

Understand: This doesn’t mean you must agree with the other person’s belief.

Trust the process: Release the need to be right and consider a different perspective.

Higher power: Believe you will be guided towards truth based on love.

Mark Twain said it best: “It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.” It is time to dig deep and discover if what you believe as “truth” is just an adopted handed down belief that has kept you sick, sheltered, or stuck… It is time to end the madness of our limited beliefs founded from fear. It is time to embrace health, wealth, wisdom, and love as God-given rights. In this New Year, will you consider embracing a New Truth so that the New You can make 2018 The Best Year EVER?

Now, his congregation was truly excited about this good news. They were hooting and hollering… I visualized them jumping up and down with their arms in the air. I could hear “AMEN… Thank you, thank you Jesus!” Then the preacher, in a climactic crescendo, continued, “You just need to believe… I say believe and Jesus does all the work!!!” By this point, the congregation was passing out from excitement! I am not a bible scholar, but I am a graduate of Bible Study Fellowship International (BSF is a seven-year bible study). I don’t remember any scripture that supports, “we don’t have to work to get what we want.”

Yes, I believe in the power of our Creator. Yes, I believe that miracles do happen. But I am convinced that unless I am willing to do my part, along with my Creator, the probability of getting what I want diminishes greatly. The words of that preacher, although very entertaining and charismatic, disturbed me. The next morning, I thought… When did our Creator turn into Santa? The message of this preacher kept festering within me to the point that I rewrote this article. This kind of mentality can lead to feeling entitled and worse, angry with God because we did not get what we wanted. It discourages working for what we want. Again, I do believe in miracles but I also believe that we need to be about action.

Something happened later that same day underscoring my point… Barry heard my show at noon and was truly interested in calling to win my guest’s book. Barry really wanted the book, but he did NOT call the show. Then, while Barry was driving home at 5 pm, he heard my show again. (By the way, you can now listen to my show at 5 pm in Brevard County on FM 94.7, FM 99.9 & 100.7 or worldwide on WhenYouNeedaFriend.com) This time, not only did Barry work hard to be the 10th caller or texter, he texted over 10 times. And he won the book! A thought without action is just a thought. A desire without work is just a wish. A goal without a plan is just a dream. We all have dreams and desires but some fall short of the action required to make things happen. Yes, if you are a believer, it is a great feeling to ASK and declare your intentions with our Creator. But we need to be willing to do whatever it takes, be a “maniac on a mission,” to create alongside our Creator. There will be times when we ASK our Creator for something and we work hard to do our part, but it still does not happen. Gratitude, acceptance, and a positive attitude will help us understand that things work out for the good of all.

I think that preacher meant to say, “A.S.K.”

Acknowledge your desire and believe you and our creator can do all things.
Search for opportunities, leads, groups, networks, barters… Do whatever it takes!
Know that the Creator, who created you, gave you the power to do great things!

So, as you declare your New Year’s “commitments,” here are some tips that will help you increase your probability for achieving great results.

If you want love, be loving.
If you want a good friend, be a good friend. (You can also listen to my show! 😉
If you want money, create a way to earn it… Get out and find a job or jobs.
If you want happiness, be grateful and practice true forgiveness.
If you want to be debt free, pay off your credit card and use only cash.
If you want to release weight, throw out all the C.R.A.P.! (Carbonated drinks, Refined sugars, Artificial & Processed foods.) Eat, Whole Food Plant Based.
If you want to be fit, go to the gym, bike, walk, or swim. (Do the best you can.)
If you want to see the world, get out of the house, volunteer, or plan a trip.
If you want to see positive results in your life, stop blaming others for your failures. Instead, look at the gifts and lessons in everything and take action based on the lessons learned.

There is no pill or power that can do anything for you unless you are willing to do whatever it takes. Yes, there is a chance you might “win the lottery,” but first, you must buy a ticket!
Do you have unfulfilled desires? What do you want to achieve? What is keeping you from achieving it? What are you willing to do to achieve it? The power that created us IS within us… Use that power as fuel to create the unbelievably awesome person you want to be. It is time… Yessah… It is time to A.S.K. Believe we can do great things and let’s get crazy uncomfortable to create the life we want. Know that our Creator can do EVERYTHING! Act as if it ALL depends on you. May this Holiday Season bring you and yours Love, Peace, Joy and Unexpected Abundance!

So now what?! Here we go again as we get manipulated by the media, the perfect gift to buy, the latest trend to purchase… Give me more, more, more, until we are crying in a fetal position because we are still not happy and might feel empty. We think, “Perhaps this year the thing that ‘I must have’ will bring me happiness! Maybe next year I will be happy.” We may be excited to welcome the holidays thinking that everything we do, whether it is good for us or not, will create lasting bonds and happiness. “Tis the season…” This is the time of year when the expectation to be jolly can lead to depression and anxiety. This can happen especially if you experienced a loss or if you are still paying for last year’s holidays.

Oh, and wait… Let’s not forget the pharmaceutical industry pushing yet another pill that will make us happy! Many times, antidepressants are prescribed to people who need to deal with unresolved issues, childhood trauma, anger, resentment, or an unwillingness to forgive. I do not want to diminish moments of sadness or tragedy. Unfortunately, they are a real part of life. We still need to feel and deal with our past and discover ways to embrace our lives today. Some think happiness comes from “things” we can buy. But there is no pill, no gift, or no dollar amount that will create the happiness we truly desire. To be happy, we must be willing to dig deep and do the work needed to heal. Side note: It is impossible to be happy 100% of the time… There will be times where we might feel we’re in an desert. Use your grateful happy memories, from the past, to sustain you until you get to the next oasis.

It is time to get off the hamster wheel and take inventory of our soul and body. Look around you, what do you have? What do you want? Will it bring you happiness? Now, look within you and ask those same questions. Are the answers different? Let’s finally get real with ourselves. Stop running away from what you think you want and embrace what you need. I want to encourage you to take off the mask. When no one is around, place your hand over your heart and breathe. Feel the condition of your spirit and ask, in a loving, nonjudgmental way, “What can I do to support you? “What do you need?” Listen carefully… Finally, “What am I willing to do, to achieve it?”

The times in my life that I am at my highest joy, I am in the moment… and I am giving or helping. I feel a sense of belonging and I am thankful. Music, dancing, and learning something new, also spark that sense of awe and wonder within me. I love feeling connected to a greater good. There are times when I need my alone time and that is when I replenish. That may look like walking at the beach, writing in my journal or playing the piano while I sing. As the song goes, “these are a few of my favorite things.” What they all have in common is the essence of gratitude. Now that I think about it, we have heard about “seasonal depression” but during the holidays, we might experience “seasonal gratitude.” What if we could maintain that joyful feeling and create a yearlong attitude of GRATITUDE? How? Well, I am glad you asked. Here are some suggestions:

Give your body nutritious foods. Learn about Whole Food Plant Based nutrition.

Replenish your spirit. Journal, meditate, dance, sing, sleep, walk, or just breathe.

Acknowledge a higher power. Take the steps towards your personal journey.

Think positive thoughts. Thoughts translate to equivalent feelings and actions.

Imagine yourself where you want to be. Then take the proper steps to achieve it.

Trust the process of life. Know that everything will work out for your good.

Use your intuition. There is a voice of love inside you… Listen and respond.

Dedicate yourself to the service of others and self. Be sure to keep this in balance.

Educate yourself to learn A New Truth about alternative ways to heal and do it!

Anything done with a grateful heart, without expectation, will change not only your life but also those who observe you. It will help you discover your purpose and create your legacy. We are constantly striving to learn how to operate our computers and phones, how to make more money, how to be up on the latest sports stats or Hollywood gossip. But at what point do we want to learn about who we are and what brings us joy? Before you get sucked into the holidays commercialism and traditions, will you consider giving yourself the greatest gift EVER? Each morning when you first open your eyes say, “Thank You, Thank You, THANK YOU!” (Three times or more.) Notice how you feel as you welcome the new day. We live in Florida. But if you are going to live in any state, let it be the state of GRATITUDE. That is the best state to live in.

What is it in nature that causes a tree to naturally return to health after the winter? Hmmmm… Have you ever neglected your favorite potted tree to the point that it looked dead? Would you add poison to the soil to return it back to life? Would you paint the tree green and tape all the leaves back on it? (That would be a bit delusional, right? Please say “yes”!) intuitively, you might take the tree outside and give it water, sunlight, fertilizer, and air. If you are anything like me, you would also gently speak to it. Within a short time, you would see signs the tree is returning to health and thriving. Our body is very similar to that tree. When we neglect our body, we too will see signs of stress. Sometimes, we will see signs long before something is seriously wrong. If neglected long enough, our body will be susceptible to dys-ease.

Since it is October, I will focus on the dys-ease called cancer and chemotherapy as the treatment. What is cancer? Normally, a cell eats, sleeps, excretes, reproduces and dies. These cells are then replaced by more cells. Cancer is a cell that does not die, but continues to reproduce. For protection, the body encapsulates those cells. That is what we call a tumor. We all have cancer cells in our body. For the most part, when we give our body what it needs, a healthy body will deal with these cancer cells naturally. But what happens when we are unhealthy and ignore our body’s signals that something has gone wrong? When we can no longer ignore the signs that is when we go to the doctor. That is when we receive a diagnosis of CANCER! (Why do we ignore the signs and do this to ourselves?)

Instead of figuring out and giving the body what it needs naturally, like the example of the tree, we are rushed to receive chemotherapy. WUH? Are any of us “Chemotherapy” deficient? A 2004 PubMed publication, (www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15630849) concludes: “The overall contribution of curative and adjuvant cytotoxic chemotherapy to 5-year survival in adults was estimated to be 2.3% in Australia and 2.1% in the USA.” Yes, I too had to read those results again. The conclusion stated that, Chemotherapy “is a minor contribution to cancer survival.” But at what cost? (If you are reading this article and have successfully completed chemo, I am thrilled for you… Congratulations, you are part of the 2.1%.) I learned many things from my teachers on The Lillian McDermott Radio Show. They taught me a new truth about the health risks, the financial drain, and the survival rate from the treatment of chemotherapy. Because of this, I started a nonprofit foundation to help people make informed choices for less toxic treatments.

The McDermott Holistic Healing Foundation (MHHF), a 501(c)(3) tax-exempt organization, wants to change the way cancer is viewed. Instead of fear, we want to provide Education, Empowerment and Hope. Our goal is to create awareness about holistic health and provide funding for people with cancer who cannot afford the non-toxic treatment they deserve. Trillions of dollars have been donated for cancer research but we are still presented chemotherapy as one of the options but it offers a “minor cancer survival.” How many of our loved ones must die from the side effects of chemotherapy before other natural therapies to heal our body are allowed? At this point, I am not confident there will ever be a cure for cancer… Treating cancer is a huge money-making business!

Now my challenge to you… Will you consider a new truth about naturally healing your body? Would you please tell others about our foundation? Let’s end the cycle of chemo and death… Let’s feed our bodies the right nutrients. Let’s forgive, laugh, dance, love, embrace, accept, de-stress and learn that the cure for cancer is within us. This year, instead of donating to groups that promote the current legally allowed therapies, I ask that you please consider donating to The McDermott Holistic Healing Foundation. If you are concerned about CANCER… Here are some suggestions to help:

Consider changing your lifestyle: nutrition, exercise, meditation, and more.

Accept the things you cannot change and change the things you can.

Nurture your spirit and discover your deficiencies.

Connect with your higher power.

Educate yourself and learn about other far less toxic healing options.

Responsibly make informed decisions that benefit and heal your body. To learn more, go to www.McDermottHolisticHealingFoundation.org

By the way, should you choose chemotherapy for yourself, prior to treatment, ask your doctor to test you to see if you are allergic to chemotherapy. Just like that wilted tree, it is time to come out of our “hibernation.” Cancer is a symptom and it is telling you that your body needs something… What do you need to flourish and thrive? Everyone is different.

For me, that first step happened when I was asked to step into a new ministry. I thought of every excuse to say “HECK NO!” but what came out of my mouth was not only “yes,” I agreed to become one of the speakers. “Who said that?” I thought… It was me! (Such an internal struggle.) In a questionnaire of fears, giving a speech was at the top, death was right after. So, we would much rather die than give a talk. In the months that followed, I procrastinated writing my talk and did everything I could to sabotage myself. I truly wanted to step down from this task but each step along the way; I received confirmation that I was exactly where I needed to be. Deep within me, something more profound was guiding my path.

This ministry would become a key turning point for me stepping out of my comfort zone so much so, that from the experience a new calling was born… I started a new bible study at our Catholic church but who would come. The first day of the bible study, we had over 150 people attend, thirsty to learn God’s Word. This format would require me to gather the information we were studying and give weekly talks… GULP! Yes, you read correctly. My biggest fear is now a weekly event. Week after week, I lead the facilitators and the bible study attendees. I also created and gave weekly talks. 145 people were so excited and supportive but then there were about 5 people who opposed the process. They started to demand that I change the format. When I told them that it was not my format to change, they started to create division in the group.

Then, they went to our pastor and requested that I stop giving talks. (Some said that it should be a man giving the talks.) Instead, the pastor appointed Deacon Al Castellana to review, critique, and approve all my talks. I love Deacon Al and this gave me an opportunity to really respect him even more. (What a huge blessing!) The small group started to squeak louder. As a result, I lovingly asked this small group to start their own bible study. Which they did. But they continued to assassinate my character. This was a very painful time for me… I did not have the tools I have today. I also cared too much about what people thought of me. Week after week, Deacon Al would motivate, mentor and cheer me on. One day, I broke down in tears… I could no longer keep my “poker face” mask on. Deacon Al thought these individuals were causing me too much anguish and that is when he suggested that I quit. (That suggestion caused my tears to stop flowing, almost as if an engineer fixed the hole in the dam.) To that I replied, “NO!” Then he gently proceeded, “then what will it take for you to quit?” I replied, “Nothing… I will never quit!” With his tender voice, he said; “Then Be Who You Say You Are!”

Those seven little words changed me. Those words meant that if I was never going to quit, then I needed to behave accordingly. I needed to stop focusing on the five that didn’t like me, who really didn’t matter and focus my vision and on the 145 that were there to grow with me. I needed to care less about what people thought of me and more about the calling within me. That calling, beyond an understanding, I could not control. Those seven little words made me dig within to question my thoughts, feelings, actions that were creating my tears. They brought me out of victim mentality to radical acceptance and I instantly focused on the original important goal. The opposition did not kill me, they made me stronger. I am grateful they were part of my journey because this is what I learned:

To Be about love and focus on the greater vision.
To know Who is the opposition and not take it personal.
To accept that You cannot choose how people treat you.
To be aware of what I Say to myself.
To understand that You can choose, how you respond.
To believe you Are in the right place, exactly when you get there.

Do you have “an itch?” What are you being called to do? Do you feel opposition? Do you want to quit? Big or small, we are all part of a greater purpose and your part is important too. So who are you and how will you respond? If faced with opposition, Congratulations… Be Who You Say You Are!

As I have gotten older, and, I dare say, wiser, I have become aware of my shadow, that part of myself that I do not want to reveal to myself or others. There were times in my life that I was afraid of my shadow and didn’t know it. I kept myself from anything that might expose my shadow side to others. But then, something happened… oh yeah, it’s called LIFE, that caused me to shift. I wanted to learn what was in my shadow and why I would be fearful of “IT.” My shadow is ugly, takes everything personally and loves conditionally. It is unloving, judgmental, unaware, sabotaging, remembers every painful experience, and lacks acceptance of self and others. Oh Wow… It’s no wonder we are afraid of our shadows! My shift started to trickle within me once I realized that my role as a mother was changing. Our children were grown and our youngest child had just graduated from high school. I had been the room mom, volunteer extraordinaire, and fundraiser/event queen. Wherever I was needed, at church or school, I would help. Then I heard, “Who are you now?” It was my shadow and I looked away.

Then in my mid 40’s, there was the financial crisis that caused me to go back to work fulltime. My life changed dramatically and my marriage, family, friendships, priorities and health, all needed to change. My shadow grew bigger and I became busier… My shadow began to taunt me but I knew better than to look in its general direction. I truly believed I was managing my life well. Now, for a glimpse within… My life seemed to place me on a hamster wheel. Even if I worked fast enough, long enough or smart enough, I would always end up in the same place. Although successful in the eyes of many, I did not feel that I was enough. That is when I decided to peek at my shadow and discovered I was not genuinely happy. I did not know what I needed to do to change or even if I could change. I dove deep into my shadow and discovered this pinhole in my heart. That pinhole cast a huge shadow that was at the root of my discontentment. I could not ignore it anymore. Personal growth has always been important to me. If I read anything, it was “How to” books. What I was doing was not supporting me anymore. Then I received an invitation to go to a personal growth workshop in a different city, not associated with any church. (I had attended and lead many retreats in my lifetime but this was different.) This was the start of something big… It started a next chapter in my life with a stronger connection to myself and the joining of my body, mind and spirit, along with my shadow.

So, to save time, I will share my feelings, in chronological order, during my workshops… I felt excited (nervous laughter), confused, curious, sad, frustration, (cried), acceptance, exited, (more crying), anger, resolved, (cried a lot), exhaustion, insignificant, limitless, unconditional love, accepted, joy (laughed & danced a lot), powerful, acceptance and curious. I was curious enough to continue learning more about me and my shadow. This experience started my journey to become a life coach. It did not matter who had done what to me. I came to see how I truly had created EVERYTHING in my life and everything was created for my greater good. I went from victim mentality to taking 100% Responsibility. I made peace with my shadow but from time to time, my shadow sticks its tongue out at me. I am reminded that I am not done yet and need to choose to dig deeper.

Our shadow might be the worst part of us, but it still is part of who we are or what we do. Our past might never change but how we choose to deal with it today, might be the beginning of healing, acceptance and the change of our behaviors. Showing love and compassion to our shadow will diminish its power. (just like when you stop hiding a secret, the power diminishes. What is in your shadow? What are you pretending not to know about your SHADOW? Would you consider sitting with the Shame or sadness of your past? Once you start the Healing process by welcoming your Awareness, you might discover the root cause of your Dis-ease. This awareness will open your heart and will create Opportunity for acceptance and Wisdom in your soul. Will you risk embracing your shadow and become its friend? It is time to choose something different… Help your friend heal!

What is wrong with making a mistake? When you make a mistake, what do you tell yourself? Does making a mistake make you less than or diminish who you are? What value have you placed on mistakes? It took Thomas Edison 999 failures (read “mistakes”) to create the lightbulb. If he would have stopped after his first attempt we would still be living in the dark. So, let’s get out of the darkness with our fear of making a mistake and move towards the light. What if I told you there are no mistakes… just opportunities to grow? Would you believe me? Hmmm… But what if you could embrace this statement as a New Truth… How would your life be different today if you knew that everything you did had a purpose and can create a blessing in your life? (What you takin bout, Willis?)

I would like to challenge you to change the language you use to describe a “mistake” and embrace it as an opportunity to grow. If you accept my challenge, then please take out your “Soul Shovels”(sm) and your “Judgment free” journals and let’s dig deep! I would like you to write down all the “Mistakes” you have made… I am sure you can remember them quickly. Usually, they are part of your 50,000 to 70,000 thoughts per day, of which approximately 90% of those thoughts are repetitive and 80% of those same thoughts are negative. Then, once you are done writing all your horrible mistakes, I want you to find what you learned from each experience and write it down. Example of “Mistakes” – Example of Growth Opportunities

Married the wrong person… Now I know what I want in a soulmate.
Got a traffic violation… I’m aware when I drive to set my cruise control.
I used drugs… I want a sober life and I help others achieve the same.

How many times does an opportunity to grow suddenly appear in your life? We rebel, complain, call our self and others horrible names and even throw tantrums. Sure, everything has consequences and it would be helpful to know what the consequences are. But without exception, we can find a blessing hidden in these consequences. Now, if you find yourself writing down the same experience over and over, “Next verse, same as the first!” Then it is time to ask yourself, why am I refusing to learn this lesson? What are the prices I have paid? And how am I benefitting from rejecting this growth opportunity? To accept this precious gift of wisdom, we get to change our attitude and be willing to be wrong about our limiting beliefs (that mistakes are all wrong.) So, here are some guidelines for how we get to Be to create a no judgment Attitude of Thanksgiving. Be –Attitudes!

G – Be Grateful: Accept the lesson as an experience you were meant to learn.

R – Be Responsible: Take ownership not blame and determine the lesson.

O – Be Open: Look at the situation with a new set of curious eyes. Learning is a Blessing.

W – Be Willing: Release your limiting belief. Discover new ways to create what you want.

T – Be Thoughtful: Think…Things can always be worse. Embrace what is.

H – Be Harmonious: Create a Win/Win! Understand how your actions affect others.

(For more help go to my 100% Responsibility section on my website.)

How do you know you are not making a mistake? Because whatever you decide will take you to where you need to be. Sometimes we will take a little detour and other times we will take the highway. What matters is that we get there to learn the gift and lesson, quickly. Regardless as to how you get there, your Be – Attitudes will light your path and will equip you every step of the way. Trust that if you are going through something difficult there is a blessing close by. What growth opportunity are you facing today? Are you willing to reformat the negative thoughts you attach to the word “mistake”? If so, be gentle on yourself. You can’t rewrite the past, but you can change how you talk to yourself about it. Even if you do not like what is happening, the experience will seem easier when you discover how each GROWTH opportunity will bless you.

It is amazing how we try to trick ourselves into believing we really don’t want something. We can become aware of this when that dream materializes. There are secret desires of the heart we keep so secret, that we deny ourselves, our passions, and our dreams. We do this because of a subconscious limiting belief we are unwilling to look at. So here is my raw, “moment of clarity” with my recent awareness.

When I was asked to do The Lillian McDermott Radio Show six years ago, I had no clue the show would take me on a journey different than I could have ever imagined. I had no broadcasting education, experience or knowledge but I said “yes” anyway, and trusted my intuition would give me what I needed to figure it out. With each passing year, the guests or “teachers” on my show, helped me see “a new truth.” I have changed almost everything I was taught as a child through adulthood. This new truth would later fill me with passion and a secret desire to grow the show to other locations so that I could share what I have learned.

There had been several attempts to grow the show but they would end. I was even told to be happy with what I had accomplished because there were other men ahead of me. (Men, politics, and sports dominate the radio industry.) I told myself “I wasn’t ready!” I felt grateful, but deep down inside, I longed for more. Well, during a show, one of my “teachers” helped me see that although the show had helped me grow, now it was time for me to grow the show… Then, out of the blue, I was contacted by a well-established radio station in Jacksonville and my deep desire started to materialize! I finally allowed myself to feel what I truly wanted. My awareness and desires became aligned with my true intention. The joy I felt was like being told I had won the lottery without buying a ticket. As our dreams start to become a reality, we must be ready to do whatever it takes to make it work, even as new challenges arise. Now comes the hard “fun” work…

It was easy to embrace my noon radio timeslot. I could go to the gym and beach most mornings. Now, I am figuring out my new 8 am to 9 am show schedule. During one recent week, I was filled with insecurity. Going to the gym and my morning walks on the beach took a back seat as I tried to find my new groove. Along with my already full schedule, the demands to find new sponsors and build the show, self-care took a back seat. By Wednesday of that week, the lack of a routine, wanting to do well, self-doubt, lack of sleep, multiple deadlines, working with a new wonderful team, left me feeling numb and in resistance. Even though I was journaling and felt support from my loved ones, I needed to reconnect with my spirit.

Drawn to the water, I chose the beach over the gym… and magic! Not only did I reconnect… the crabs, the birds, the wind and the water worked so humorously together that I actually laughed out loud. That is when I reached to take a picture to share on social media and realized that I had left my cell phone camera in my car. The voice in my head, heart and gut said, “No, this time is just for you!” at that moment I felt so connected and tears filled my eyes. Allowing stress to flow through you is crucial… How do you know true joy, unless you allow yourself to feel the shadow side of that feeling? I am so grateful for all the lessons, opportunities and for saying “yes” to getting out of my comfort zone. I get to embrace the challenges of my new schedule with passion and optimism but I must practice self-care.

So I ask you, what are your dreams? When was the last time you allowed yourself to dream? What are the limiting beliefs keeping you from your dreams? Are you ready to give them up? Is there resistance in your life? If so, discover your Desire. Release limiting beliefs. Empower yourself. Take Action. Manifest, knowing you will be Successful!

When you say “YES” to opportunity, opportunity will say “YES” to you! Trust that life loves everything about you and wants to give you what you want. Fear can keep us from what we want. Instead, Follow Every Avenue Required to achieve the life you desire. So, what do you want? Dig deep, write it down and believe in yourself and your DREAMS!

We have been taught from the beginning of time that our Creator is in heaven. People go to faraway lands to feel that connection to Our Creator, who, in an instant, can wipe away all their suffering. What if we didn’t need to travel to a faraway land, Church, Synagogue, Mosque, Gurdwara or Temple? What if we all had the power to summon what we need, with just our thoughts and beliefs? There is a creator and that creator lives in you and in me… Yet we feel so limited! Elephants are one of the strongest mammals on land. They can snorkel without aid, walk 50 miles a day, and have an incredible sense of smell. They are beyond smart and powerful! However, in captivity, shackled and beaten, the strongest becomes limited. A baby elephant is shackled and chained to a post. It is taught it can only go so far. Eventually, they do not need the chain because the shackle is enough to keep that now grown elephant believing in its limitations.

We too are powerful, smart, and strong. But at birth, our invisible shackles are placed around our little ankles. We are taught what to believe and little by little, we learn we are limited and that our creator is outside and separate from us. For some, shackles can keep them safe but for others, shackles can suffocate. If you are longing for a change and waiting for an external power to make it happen, then I ask you to think again. It is up to you, along with that incredible, powerful Spirit that flows abundantly within each and every one of us! So how do we tap into this abundant spirit? It requires an “US” mentality… A United Spirit! (A united spirit (US) is when we feel connected to the spirit within.) Want to feel connected? Then ASK, and it shall be given… Are you ready to receive this gift?

Acknowledge that the Spirit of our Creator dwells within us. Christian Scripture states that Jesus breathed this same Spirit into His disciples. But whether we are Christian or not, we all have that same spirit within us. The spirit speaks through our intuition or “gut feelings.” Be aware of that voice and tap into it! “We are not human beings having a spiritual experience; we are spiritual beings having a human experience.” – Pierre Teilhard de Chardin.
Sit in Silence. Although not the only way, my preferred method to connect to my Spirit is through journaling. Pour yourself, desires, doubts, pains and ask for what you need. Wait for that voice to speak to you and write it all down. Discover what you want and ask that inner wisdom to gently guide you to your truth. A truth you may be avoiding or have never been taught. (Please know that it is easy to ask for one million dollars. But better questions might be: “How can I create abundance?” “Show me my purpose.” “How can I forgive?”)
Know there is an advocate that dwells within us. Once you start journaling, feelings or thoughts will come up that might require you to take action. You get to choose how to respond to that call. (Take action, even if it is a small step. And celebrate each step and accomplishment along the way.)

No matter the outcome, whether you perceive it as success or failure, everything will work out for your benefit. There is no need to cry out. Instead, call the Spirit within, who longs to speak to our US. Are you listening? Remember, the source that created you, and dwells within you, is unlimited. If we only have a speck of that power, we can do all things… Connect with your Intuition. But don’t do it for you… Do it for US! Then, witness the shackles come off. With your inner wisdom guiding each step, and knowing you could only be successful… What would you do differently in your life? ASK and discover the greatness of US!

Even after the issue was resolved, the memory of what happened, of getting my phone back in working order, has haunted me. Our cell phones have become our “new lung,” our “lifeline,” or our “second brain.” Our cell phone provides a way to do research, but mostly they are where we store all our personal and work information… phone numbers, pictures, videos, special dates, meeting notes, addresses, and more. In many cases, our cell phones have replaced our desktop and laptop computers. I kind of knew this, but it became obvious when my life came to a standstill on that dreadful day, when all my data was erased and my phone was on “life support” for 24 hours. This little phone has too much power over my life! How can something as simple as upgrading the gigabits on my cell phone become such a parallel reflection to my life? GULP… It is time to breathe, take my “Soul Shovel” out and dig deep! So, I asked myself “The Four Responsibility” questions, without judgment, blame, shame or fault, found on my website:

Q 1. How did I create it? I wanted to increase the memory on my cell phone to 128G and give my 64G phone to my husband.

Q 2. What are the Gifts and Lessons? Lessons: I learned I rely too much on my phone. I relearned that customer service can make or break a company. I know people truly want to help, especially in account services. I learned to keep my focus and be clear on what I want. I now understand the importance of an iCloud back up. I relearned all my passwords for each of my accounts. Gifts: I got a free cell phone for my hassles!

Q 3. What is going to be different? I wrote down all my passwords on a piece of paper and they are now in my husband’s locked file cabinet. I will use a special code to call account services and have them guide me. (Seriously, I think they wear a superhero cape to work!) I will copy and paste my calendar events, addresses, and phone numbers to a separate word file so I can be less vulnerable to technology.

Q 4. How can I use this experience to help others? No matter who you are, know you are valuable and always remember that the person on the other side of the phone, desk, counter, the person you are talking to, is also valuable. This is an important truth. In addition, every cell phone carrier has their “elite” team. Learn who they are and create a Win/Win!

Frankly, I didn’t want to find the beauty in my “traumatic” 24 hours. A part of me just wanted to “tell and relive the story of what happened to me.” But I knew my body wanted and needed to release that negative energy. When I took 100% Responsibility, somehow the anger, frustration and hormonal fluctuations started melting away. My cell phone story is a metaphor for other things happening in our lives that we perceive as inconvenient, traumatic or even life changing. When we change the story in our head to “the gifts and lessons in our life,” our experience on this earth changes. I know it doesn’t change what happened, especially when what happened cannot be changed, but it allows us to put things into perspective and be grateful that things were not worse. I want to use this story to help us see the importance of being the observer of our life. How many times do we react and take our frustrations out on others? Well, it is time for a new PTSD!

P – Prepare and ask questions before jumping into the deep end.

T – Trust, once you jump, that things will work out for your benefit.

S – Stop the negative judgment and storytelling.

D – Dig until you find the beauty and purpose to your story.

What story do you keep repeating in your head and to others? Will you take 100% Responsibility? Will you release and discover the beauty in each lesson? Please let me know what you discover?

How many times do you find yourself negatively reacting to your spouse, children, boss, traffic, in-laws, neighbor or politics? Do these reactions change how you feel at that moment? What would your life be like if you accepted each moment as a gift and an opportunity to learn? What if you could become nonreactive and shift to becoming the observer of your situation. Yes, you read that correctly, the observer of your life! Our mood fluctuates depending on our reactions, our judgments, and our perceptions of “good” or “bad.”

I recently attended a retreat with counselor and spiritual teacher, Eckhart Tolle, and his wife, Kim Eng. Eckhart is the international bestselling author of The Power of Now and A New Earth. It was such a powerful experience and one that has created a new awareness in my life. Eckhart teaches that it’s not the situation that makes us unhappy, rather, how we perceive the situation. If we change our awareness and not react to what we perceive, our feelings will flow through us, instead of remaining in us. When negative feelings remain in us, they can lead to stress and disease. Eckhart also teaches us to place value on and be in the present moment, “The Now!” You have heard the expression, “Be in the moment.” He says, “Let go of the last moment… The last moment is now a thought.” The longer that thought remains within us, the more we will miss out on our current moment. Does this make sense to you? We are so aware of what others do but we seldom notice what we do… So, after the retreat, I thought, “I am a conscious human, I can do this… Piece of (raw, vegan, Gluten Free) cake!” HA, HA!

When the student is ready, the teacher will appear! Well, what followed was a series of life lessons. Then I got home and life came at me fast. There were deadlines to meet, research to conduct, and stupid disagreements with my husband! Then, my phone carrier changed my radio show phone number by mistake. Four hours later, I still had no working phone number!!! Whoa, I had so many reactions… Now, I am looking back at myself with the awareness that I am not aware. I need to shift, NOW! As an objective observer, we can detach ourselves from whatever is happening. (Just like watching a movie.) We can choose not to take things personally, not to be baited or not to overreact. This can only happen if we are “in the moment,” that is to say, “conscious.” Our reactions are based on our level of consciousness at the time… The angrier or more frustrated we get, the longer the feeling will last and the more unconscious we become.

If someone is yelling or you perceive them as treating you with disrespect, look at them like they are a bug speaking another language. Become aware of how your body feels, acknowledge the feeling and, as “the observer,” let that moment go. Shift… Focus on your breath, on the leaves of a tree, on the wind blowing through your hair, on a playful pet, wiggle your fingers or toes, but whatever you do, become aware of the current moment. In life or death situations, we need to react to protect ourselves and our loved ones but most of our reactions come from pettiness, frustration and being unaware. If we have an opinion or a preference, state that opinion without believing the other person is wrong. I am declaring that I am a new student of “consciousness.” So be warned, once I said “yes,” life immediately began to teach me… At this pace and by the time you read this article I could potentially be an “expert,” but not likely.

So here is a mnemonic to help us embrace our NOW:

Notice that you are in a teachable moment. Become aware.
Observe your reaction and choose to be conscious. Detach from the feeling.
Watch and allow the moment to pass. Embrace the new moment.

NOW I want to invite you to raise your consciousness… Would you like to give up “reacting” for the next month or more? What is causing your reactions? Life is our greatest teacher… How will you embrace your NOW?

Since it is “Heart Month,” let’s focus on the heart. The heart has many functions… It pumps, communicates, and responds. The heart is constantly communicating in both a physical and a nonphysical way. Have you ever wondered what your heart is saying? Have you ever stopped to listen? The physical heart… I am amazed at how so many diseases offer a host of symptoms but when it comes to the heart, the only symptom you might experience is a heart attack that could instantly kill you! One of the teachers on my radio show, cardiologist, Dr. Joel Kahn, had shared that there is a wonderful but not very well known test that can let you know if you have heart disease. This test is less risky than a stress test and provides an early indication of your risk of heart disease. The test is called Coronary Calcium Scoring.

After learning from Dr. Kahn, I did my research and found that University Center Imaging had the lowest price in town at $75.00, cash pay. (Although most insurances do not pay, it is affordable.) It was a simple 5-minute test. My experience was wonderful and the information was invaluable. I am happy to report, I do “have a heart” and my score was the lowest possible score, zero! WooHoo!!! I share my entire experience on YouTube at www.youtube.com/watch?v=BjPPDDUzFwY&t=9s. I will continue doing what I am doing to keep my heart functioning at the highest level. However, had the results been different, I would do what is necessary to change and reverse heart disease. Yes, eating a whole food, plant-rich diet, getting enough sleep (especially sleep between the hours of 10 pm and 2 am, when the body repairs), exercising regularly, and managing stress, can heal your heart, naturally. Please, ask your doctor to write you a script for this test and learn about your risk.

Now, for the nonphysical side of your heart: As a Certified Life Coach, I work with some people who have a “heavy heart.” It is interesting to hear the same stories from so many different people. The stories often include a breakdown in communication with family or friends. The stories will then be shared over and over again, not only out loud but in their thoughts. These thoughts can consume, leading to dis-ease of the spirit and eventually, disease of the body. Most of the stories include some form of lack of forgiveness. Many believe their lack of forgiving others is merited, and maybe so, but at what cost? I once heard Wayne Dyer say; “It is not the snake bite that kills you, it is the venom that runs through your veins.” Lack of forgiving self or others is “the venom” in your heart. Our world has many threats to us… Did you know that air pollution increases mortality by 6%, obesity by 23%, alcohol abuse by 37%, but loneliness increases our mortality rate by 45%!

Separating ourselves from our “tribe” (those we love), can significantly increase our risk of disease. Most of the time, when your heart has been hurt, and there is a lack of forgiving others, it comes from the need to be right. Right fighting can destroy relationships and leave a “hole in our heart.” So, what is your “heart’s desire?” Do you want to be right or do you want a peaceful, “forgiving heart?” For the record, trust and forgiveness are not the same things. Forgiving someone does not mean you can trust that person again. (Boundaries might be needed and loving from afar is ok too.) It just means you release the desire to change or recreate the situation and accept it as it is. Trust, on the other hand, must be earned. How do we heal the nonphysical heart? Well, in addition to forgiving, perhaps it is just by allowing the feelings to come in and pass through, instead of remaining within. This takes an attitude of “Being.” So, how can we be?

Be Humble: Know that you too are imperfect. This is a “growth” moment.

Be Essence: Strip away ego, judgment, fear and be about LOVE.

Be Acceptance: See others for who they are, not who we want them to be.

Be Responsible: Focus on the gifts and lessons, instead of the problems.

Be Trust: Figure out why this experience needed to happen. Then, “Trust The Process!”

I want to encourage you to reach out to someone with whom you have had an argument or someone you just haven’t reached out to due to judgment. Yes, you might feel uncomfortable but realize that this feeling will pass. Your discomfort might be coming from your ego, not your essence. The ego wants to be right about its belief. Instead, shift your thinking to your essence. Your essence will lead you to unconditional love. Let them know you were thinking about them and how much you care. (This is a time to build, not a time to rehash.) Even if the person you called isn’t ready for reconciliation, your action will help create “a tender heart.” Know that love knows no time, difference of opinion or distance. By reaching out, you might heal a wound deep within yourself or maybe help the other person heal as well.

It is time to act “as if” you or the person who has “come to your heart” has a “terminal disease” and only has a few weeks to live. If this truth were so, how would you behave towards the other person? Would you then be able to forgive or speak “heart to heart?” The truth is, we don’t have much time on this earth. Although I always promote positive thoughts, thinking life is short and tomorrow is not a guarantee, might “Do your heart good.” So now, who will you call? Just “follow your heart!”

Many of the people at the New Year’s Eve party I attended were saying how glad they were to see the year end. They sounded defeated by the old year. (Wait! Am I missing something? Isn’t there only a second separating the old year from the New Year? What changed?) Wouldn’t it be great if we could keep that “New Year” feeling, all year long? But how? Why can’t “starting over” be an everyday choice? We think of starting our diet, going to the gym, quitting smoking, ending a bad habit, learning a new language, all when the new year starts. Then something happens, (oh yeah, it’s called life) and a few days go by without that same level of commitment to change. Then, the old thoughts begin to creep in; “I will start next Monday.” Then next Monday turns into next year! We fool ourselves when we think that “tomorrow” will somehow bring us the desire to change our lifestyle. But a desire without a plan is just “talk.”

January 1st has come and gone and I wonder if the feelings of New Year and New Hope are still with you? We have a chance to start over and do something different. But we keep doing the same things only to end up disappointed that the year didn’t end better for us. So here we are again… What will be different? Will we continue to taint the new year with our old bad habits? Or is this the year we actually do something different? Can we keep the feeling of newness all year long? WUH? You don’t know what you want but you do know what you don’t want? Well, if this is true for you, then your first step is to figure out what you do want. (Remember, you create in life what you focus on.) To achieve what you want, you must get RADICAL!

Oh yes, RADICAL… It is time for Reflection and Awareness of what you want. Declaring your Intention, for getting Crazy Uncomfortable creating a plan of Action and for choosing Love, not fear. So, get your pens, journals and your “Soul” shovels ready… It is time to dig deep! I suggest that you sit quietly by yourself with NO judgement, NO interruptions, and NO time limitations, just you asking questions of your Mind, Body and Spirit.

R – Reflection: Your body will remind you of what the mind wants to forget. Ask yourself: What am I pretending not to know? What do I want? Goal: Wait patiently… It is amazing how, when you give your mind permission, your body and spirit will speak to you. Listen and be prepared to write down your answers.

A – Awareness: Once you become aware of what you want, ask, what are my limiting beliefs about why I cannot have what I want? What is my earliest memory of when this belief happened? You cannot change the past but you can lovingly embrace your experience as a lesson. Goal: Shift to gratitude and each lesson will become a gift. (If this gift is too much to bear, reach out to your clergy, counselor or wise friend. You can also go to the “100% Responsibility” page on my website to learn a new way to embrace your past.)

D – Declaration: Ask, how can I honor my mind, body and spirit? Once you become aware of what you want and what is holding you back, it is time to declare your worthiness. Goal: Write down every desire in the form of an “I am worthy” statement. “I am worthy to have/do/achieve (add what you want).”

I – Intention: Using nutrition or exercise as examples, if you only kept to your commitment for a month, your intention was short term, not a lifestyle change. Look at other commitments in your life… Your past results reveal your true intention. Did you create what you wanted? Goal: Visualize and feel yourself achieving your goal(s). Create a vision board. Align your thoughts and desires with your intentions.

C – Crazy Uncomfortable: It is time to prepare your mind for change. Growth and change begin outside your comfort zone! Being too comfortable can kill you. There are people in toxic relationships that become comfortable being abused. Goal: You might be feeling nervous or anxious. It’s important to protect your thoughts and words… Instead, tell yourself “I am excited and capable” or “Achieving my goals will be wonderful and new!”

A – Action: Ask, what am I willing to do to create what I want? Looking at the goal can be overwhelming sometimes. We don’t start at the end, there are a series of steps that are required before achieving the goal. We get to the top of the mountain, one-step at a time. Before the hike, we get to prepare… Researching, Purchasing, Training… It is only when we look back from the top; that we can see how far we have climbed. Goal: It is time to make a plan. Start with the end goal in mind, then work backwards to the beginning. Set goals, dates, time limits, budgets and, most importantly, act on your plan!

L – Love: Ask, would I speak to a child the way I speak to myself? How can I make myself a priority? Somehow, we think that if we place ourselves at the top of our list, we are selfish. It is the opposite. If you love yourself enough to live the life you were created to live, Love and Joy will flow abundantly from you. Goal: Practice self-care and subscribe to my website to receive my “90 Day Challenge to Self-Love” eBook. Accept the challenge!

This is only the beginning… Starting a new year with a new perspective and a new goal will help you see that life is a daily adventure of do-overs, twists, turns, tears, laughter, forgiveness, truth, returning home, rollercoaster rides, wonderment, gifts and lessons. Each step contributes towards the journey we call life and life is to be celebrated! Each year, month, week, day, hour, second, moment is a new experience. In those moments, if you feel defeated or that “New Year” feeling dwindles, treat it no different than a New Year’s Eve celebration. Take 5 seconds… Start the countdown; 5… 4… 3… 2… 1 and shout “Happy New Year… It’s time to get RADICAL!”

Before I continue with this article, I want to acknowledge that there are people for whom the holidays can be painful. There is an expectation to be joyous and that only adds to the stress of their holidays. Perhaps they are dealing with financial difficulties, the loss of a loved one, or even worse, they may be an elderly person who feels forgotten or unneeded while they wait for death to take them. If you are reading this article and this paragraph does not apply to you, please reach out to those who are going through these scenarios. Lend them a hand in any way you can. Whether you invite them to your home, send them a kind note or adopt a senior citizen, we can all do something to bring joy to another person’s life.

Now back to the focus of my article… The thought of the New Year creates a need for change, closure, and resolution. It is certainly not the best time to tell the children: “Mommy and Daddy are splitting everything in half and getting a divorce. Oh, and by the way… Merry Christmas!” Instead, a couple makes it through the holidays being cold, distant and numb. The New Year’s celebrations seem to have overly “happy” people. All you want to do is end the misery. (There was a time I thought I was the only one who had gone through this. Unfortunately, as a Certified Life Coach and friend to many, I hear this story way too many times.) So, if you are thinking about, considering, contemplating divorce or even if you are already separated, and especially if there are children involved, I want to speak to You! (Yes, you… Don’t look around… Yeah YOU!)

If there is no abuse of any kind, and there once was love between the two of you, it is important that you do something differently, and again, especially if there are children in your relationship. Remember, even if you get a divorce, you will be forever connected with your child’s parent for The Rest of Your Life. This means school functions, graduation, church celebrations, birthdays and holidays. Then as your child gets older… ALL the grandchildren events! There will be no getting things “over and done with!” I know, you are “over it” and you don’t want to try anything else… You are DONE! But since you will be spending the rest of your life seeing your ex-spouse, don’t you owe it to yourself, NO, to your child, to try something different? So, if you are open to trying something different, I would like to share some tips to help start the process to possibly repair your marriage or, at least, establish better communications post separation or divorce.

Call a truce: Agree to take everything that is causing stress in your marriage and put it away in a box. Put the box in the closet or in your back yard. Resolve to take 6 months off and just focus on what is good in the relationship. Give up the need to be “Right!” You both want the same thing… To love and be loved. Love is a choice that needs to be made every day, especially when you feel your partner doesn’t deserve it.

Stop trying to change your partner and focus on changing yourself: It is really easy to see the flaws in your partner but what we see in them is exactly what we do not want to see in ourselves. I would like to suggest investing in yourself. Attend personal growth courses, adopt a healthy lifestyle, seek help or change your expectations of the other. Remove your “mask” and learn about the real you and heal.

Remember & Keep a Private Journal: What were the things that attracted you to your spouse? Why did you marry? What are the fondest memories you share? What are some of the things you stopped doing, once you got married, that you both loved to do? How much of a priority has your spouse been? Hold your spouse to their highest. Catch them doing good things. Compliment, acknowledge and be helpful to them. Write these experiences in your journal. Give each other the book “The Love Dare” and follow the steps.

Forgive: Oh, the “F” word again… This one can be tough and yet crucial for healing. I have done many shows on this topic. Regardless if you ask for or give forgiveness, there is a vulnerability that needs to happen, a need to give up trying to change the past. Forgiveness is your willingness to say: “Let’s learn and grow from the past. I accept you as a flawed human, just like me… Please accept me as a flawed human.”

Try something different: There are many couples’ retreats. One that comes to mind is World Wide Marriage Encounter (wwme.org). This retreat is for the “typical” marriage that needs a tune up. Another one is Retrouvaille, for marriages in crisis, even if already separated or divorced (www.retrouvaille.org). I have seen miracles happen because of both of these retreats. They equip couples with new tools and also help change the bad habits that have eroded their marriage.

Marriage has many ups and turns. Each experience is meant to teach us and help us grow. Many married couples walk away too soon because they just don’t have the tools to cultivate their love. No matter what you decide, you will be taking YOU, into each new relationship you have. New love is fun, playful and lustful but mature love is profound. Think about it. Once you get over the lust, which all relationships do, then what? Getting too comfortable, taking for granted, belittling or disrespecting your spouse while you are in the process of achieving mature love will give the illusion that the relationship is not worth saving. The key is to continue to be fun, playful, creative sexually and continue to work on your critical issues. (At least you know what you need to work on… Your “next” will have issues too.)

The journey of a happy marriage can include moments where you want to walk away. There can be a “Happily Ever After,” but it only comes with a willingness to roll up your sleeves and truly do whatever it takes to grow and by learning the meaning of unconditional love. (You might try everything and the relationship still doesn’t work out but at least you will know you tried EVERYTHING!) So now it is your turn… What will you choose? Ask yourself, what am I willing to do to have a better relationship with my spouse? (Or former spouse) Anything is possible. May this Holiday Season bring you Love, Peace, Joy & Unexpected Abundance!

Just recently, I had a conversation with a 44-year-old woman who was in the process of experiencing what I had gone through right before I turned 40 and again 3 years prior to 50. Her circumstances are different but the experience was the same. It is amazing to me how we trick ourselves into thinking we are the only ones going through what we are going through. When we share with others, we can realize we are not alone and that we are all one. (What happens to you, happens to me!) The self-sabotaging words she was using, such as “Everything I have ever done has been to please others,” “I feel like I am being selfish,” “My belief system is being challenged,” “I want to run away,” and “I am doing things I never thought I would want to do but now that I am doing them, I feel free…” After listening to her share all of these words that had been repeating in her head, I said: “Welcome to finding your voice!” She had begun to get in touch with who she was, what she really wanted in life and she was able to express it.

When we are young, we are taught right from wrong, how we should be, act and believe. We are told where we should worship and to think about others before we think about ourselves… We receive approval for our looks, for how smart we are and what degree we hold… We are rewarded for being a hard worker and for being a “super-parent.” Somewhere along the way, we stop paying attention to who WE are or what WE want. We want to please everyone around us, but at what cost? Do you think it might be that we forget our own worth or is it that we neglect to take the time to fall in love with our uniqueness? Life becomes a series of “have to” and “got-to” and resentment starts creeping in. We start using words like, “why bother,” and “I can’t.” Over time, the dys-ease in our body starts rearing its ugly head and get we get sick. We stop asking for what we want! But one day something happens that causes us to snap… The mask is ripped away and we wake up to a new awareness. Who am I? How did I get here?

Do you want to know? Really? Although those words can be very scary to you, they might be even scarier to those around you because if you change, they might have to change too… Gulp! (By the way, if the people around you don’t want to change, they will make you feel ashamed, for even wanting what you want.) If you really want to find your voice, you will have to “get outside of your comfort zone.” It might even take an attitude of, “it is none of my business what others think of me.” But if you are truly ready, you will need to do something totally differently than you have ever done in the past, something that will disrupt the old patterns. To get started, one suggestion would be to take my “90 Day Challenge to Self-Love.” You can get that by going to WhenYouNeedaFriend.com and become a subscriber. When you become a subscriber, you will receive a confirmation email. Once you confirm, I will send you my free “90 Day Challenge to Self-Love” eBook. So here are some tips to discover your voice.

Take a real assessment of your life: Ask yourself, “Am I joyful?” If the answer is “Yes!” continue doing what you are doing… Congratulations! If the answer is “NO!” then the next question to ask yourself is, “What am I willing to do to change it?” (I recommend that you get a journal and allow the truth to come out. Remember, this is for your eyes only. Please be brutally honest. Awareness of “your truth” shall set you free.)

Write down what you want: If money or time were not an issue, how would your life be different? What would you want to do? What kind of legacy would you want to leave? Fill your page with every desire you have ever had.

Pick the top five from your “want” list: Make a plan and add some action items with a timeline. Your action item should clearly answer how much and by when?

Ask for what you need/want: Lovingly, let your loved ones know that you are going through a new self-discovery and would appreciate their support. But if support in not received, that is ok too. (Fighting only creates a distraction to delay finding your voice.)

Declare it… Do it! Regardless of what people might think. Make a commitment to yourself. Expand your knowledge and be grateful for your experience. Seek help… a friend, support group, therapist or certified life coach. And invest in yourself. If you believe you can do it, you will.

As a side note: Release the need to blame or place fault for what is lacking in your life and take 100% Responsibility. Realize that everything that has happened to you has a purpose. (Again, if you are willing, go to my website and visit my “100% Responsibility” page and follow the instructions. 🙂

Finding your voice requires you to be OK with being wrong about the beliefs that hold you back, to love yourself enough to change and to place yourself at the top of the “who matters most in my life” list. The more you dig and the more you love yourself, the more you will experience a re connection with the greater power within… You! So, I ask… What are you willing to do to stop the insanity and discover your worthiness and your voice? It is time… Your time… I believe in YOU!

Our body knows best. In fact, it knows more than we will ever give it credit. Our body is our best friend. Why would we not listen to our best friend, the one who is our ultimate companion and healer? Possibly, it is because we were trained to look outside ourselves for healing. Would you ever put water or sand in your gas tank? (Of course not, Lilly, that would ruin my car!) Yet, that is what we do with our body, we are constantly ignoring it and giving it food and drinks that are not nutritious. Then, we get sick and we are all shocked. How could this be? (Oh, I know why I am sick. It was because “it runs in my family.”) What if I told you that less than 5% of illness is handed down from your DNA. And what you mostly inherit is the way your family eats, thinks and acts. And here is where I might get into a little trouble… What if I told you that we create our own illness? (WhatDa? Why would anyone create their own illness?)

I know. I know. I am not a credentialed expert. But I am so grateful that I have had the privilege to research and interview for my radio show, nationally and internationally renowned messengers of great news! Why is this great news? Because if we created it, we can un-create it. October is known as “National Breast (and Liver) Cancer Awareness Month.” Every October we see the reminders of the devastation of cancer, the bald heads, frail bodies and pink ribbons. What if cancer is the symptom and not the cause? Trillions of dollars have been collected and we keep doing the same things expecting a different result. We keep losing those we love way too soon. In doing my show, I have been awakening to another truth. There is no such thing as “one size fits all.” But yet, chemotherapy, radiation, and surgery are the only “approved” ways to treat cancer. Again, what if I tell you there are other ways, more holistic ways?

I could just cry to think of the lives that have been taken from us. My awakening came truly by accident. My first teacher on the show was Dr. Loraine Day. Dr. Day refused chemo/radiation and was given days to live. While in hospice, she began to forgive her past hurts, hydrate, eat quality organic food, sit in the sun for 20 min a day, and started focusing on the future she wanted to create. That was 21 years ago and she did this without toxic chemicals. Today, you would never know she had cancer. Dr. Day was my first encounter with “Holistic Medicine.” Then the floodgates opened, my blinders came off and I started to research and interview doctors who told me I could heal naturally, even heal cancer. At first, I did not believe them. The more I interviewed and researched, the more I wanted to stand on the mountaintop and shout… Just like our body!

One expert after another contributed to my awakening. Dr. Andrew Saul of the documentary, “Food Matters.” taught me how to get off all my asthma medication. (Since I was 9 months of age I have been on asthma medication. Today, I only take Vitamin C at “bowel tolerance” for my asthma. It has now been 4 years since I have taken asthma medication!) Dr. Bruce Lipton, the father of Epi-Genetics, taught me how my thoughts are creating my life and my health. Now, I protect my thoughts and keep them positive. You can go to my website and listen to other messengers like Marcus Freudenmann, Bill Henderson, Dr. Charles Majors, Dr. Carlos Garcia, Al Sanchez, Dr. Mitch Fine, and Billy Best, just to name a few.

Then, I learned about Dr. James Forsythe and within 24 hours he was booked on the show. This interview was a game changer for me. Dr. Forsythe is a double board certified Holistic Oncologist… He has been conducting a clinical trial for the last 5 years including only people with stage 4 cancers who were sent home to die. The last time we spoke (a couple of months ago), he reported a success rate of 72%! As a matter of fact, two days after having Dr. Forsythe on my show, when doing research for my next scheduled guest, Dr. Charles Majors, (who was given 8 weeks to live due to an inoperable brain tumor diagnosis…5 years ago!) I discovered that Dr. Majors was one of Dr. Forsythe’s patients! Coincidence? I think not. But it was my “2 by 4” knocking me on my head.

Once you learn something, you cannot unlearn it. So, I started a 501(c)(3) non-profit organization called The McDermott Holistic Healing Foundation (MHHF). (www.McDermottHolisticHealingFoundation.org) The purpose of MHHF is to spread the good news about alternative ways to heal and provide resources. These alternative treatments are not covered by insurance and for the most part. We tend to gravitate to whatever our insurance tells us to do. The MHHF will help pay for treatment in cases of financial need if the recipient is willing to do whatever it takes to heal naturally. Right now, MHHF is in its infancy and we need all the support we can get. Yes, that means YOU… We need your Time, Treasure & Talent!

Cancer or disease should never be part of our lives. There is NO pill we can take that will allow us to add “sand” into our body’s “gas tank” and still thrive. Healing requires a mind, body & spirit approach. Each person has a different reason why their body is screaming. So please, take the time to listen to the healer within. Place one hand over your heart and the other hand over your gut. What is your inner voice saying to you and how will you lovingly respond?

What preceded this lesson was the desire to downsize and be debt free. Like many who were affected by the housing crisis, our priorities drastically changed. We were part of the unsuspecting businesses that were thriving and then, seemingly overnight, crashing. Not only did we have to close our business, we lost most of our financial wealth. At the time, no one knew about the “liar loans” and the manipulation that was occurring. Many responsible, hardworking people found themselves in shock while trying to make ends meet. I am not sure if you can relate but imagine losing everything you have worked for at a later age in life. We were supposed to be traveling the world by now. Instead, we are traveling through life’s lessons and I must add, growing stronger.

Two years ago, my husband Robert and I could no longer live in our beautiful home. We made the decision to move into the condo we bought our daughters so they could have a place to live close to their college. We took a leap of faith in order to rebuild. All the comforts of life we had grown used to, changed. We knew life would be different and braced ourselves as well as each other, as we faced our next adventure. I remember packing up our home and deciding which treasures would stay and which ones would go. Seeing all these treasures over the lawn as we fully executed our first EVER garage sale, was surreal. (Until then, I had given everything away.) Lesson# 1: I have a lot of stuff. The things I called “treasures” were just things, money wasted during our time of wealth. I had fallen into the “I need/must have that” mode and I needed to reevaluate my priorities. Many things were sold that day but antiques and furniture went into a storage facility. As we made our move, every time I wanted to cry, instantly my heart would be filled with gratitude at the gift of living in our beautiful home for 8 wonderful years. Robert and I called this moving phase, the start of our next adventure.

From the moment we walked into “the condo,” we knew the place needed to change. My first shower in “the condo” was filled with tears. I sobbed like a little girl who fell off her bike. As the water washed my face, the tears, and the water became one and I said to myself, “it will all be ok.” Just like my mom would say when I was in trouble. (Well, I was usually in trouble because I did not listen to her. She would actually yell at me first, then, she would tell me “things will be ok Lilly!”) As I finished my shower, all my sadness just washed away. Time to learn and grow more. Two Christmases went by, grandchildren were born, weddings were celebrated and the condo was upgraded. This little place started shaping up to meet our taste and our needs. It went from “the condo” to “our condo.” But most of our furniture sat in a storage facility. The cost of the storage continued to go up to the point of $525 per month. We needed to decide what to do with those treasures that we never looked at and, if I truly think about it, we didn’t need. Lesson #2: Unless you need a storage facility for less than 6 months, NEVER store your furniture. Even if you give it all away, you will save money! Things are replaceable… Even my most treasured antique will not define who I am. If I lose all that I possess and still have love, I have everything!

We followed Dave Ramsey’s “Money Makeover” plan. Once we were debt free, we started looking at how much we were spending and discovered we had two choices. For the same monthly housing cost, we could move to a larger place, take our furniture out of storage OR we could stay in our condo and sell everything from storage. We knew we had to do something! Since our condo is in the UCF area, we only had a short period of time to find renters before school started. We had one week to find a new place, rent our condo and move. We needed to do all of this with our full-time careers plus hosting the radio show. GULP! There were many hurdles we had to jump to make this happen. The first hurdle was easily passed. We found a place in Cape Canaveral that met our budget and needs. Now, can we find renters for our condo? Time was ticking!

OMG… Within 7 minutes of posting our condo as available, we started receiving requests to see our place. By the end of the first day, a couple wanted the unit… They are perfect! We were overjoyed at jumping our second hurdle. The next morning those new renters called and backed out. Gulp… With this hurdle seemingly unable to be jumped by the deadline we had set, we decided it was time to sell everything in storage and stay in our condo. This is not what we wanted but we accepted the outcome as what was best. We wanted to remain unattached to any one particular outcome and “Trust the process.”

Our children came over to help organize the items in storage and as I looked at all those “things,” I was ready to let go of all of them. I took pictures and one by one, they were online for anyone to buy. Lesson 3: Whenever faced with a choice, throw everything out there. Whatever is meant to be, will be. I detached myself to what I thought, “needed to be” and surrendered to “what is.” We celebrated the series of events and, although disappointed, we were looking forward to getting rid of our monthly payments to the storage facility. We knew it would be a big process to sell everything but we did not want to keep throwing our money away.

The next morning, I received 4 more requests to view our condo. Dang it… I forgot to delete the ad! Lesson #4: Once you decide you do not want to rent, delete your “for rent” ad! Because of this, we decided to try to rent our condo for one more day. There they were, the last couple to view our condo on that final day. I truly believe our condo had been waiting for them. They walked in and exclaimed, “We want it! When can we move in?”

Life is a process… There are times I know what I want but there are other times, like this one, I am not too sure. For the times where things may not be so clear, here are some tips that might help you choose.

Dream: Throw everything out into the universe, even if it feels like the odds are against you.
Believe: Get rid of your “limited beliefs.” If you believe you can do all things, you will.
Plan: Write down your “must haves” and your goals. Commit to whatever you write.
Action: Work every angle just as diligently without bias. It is important that your attachment to an outcome does not cause manipulation of events.
Trust the Process: No matter the outcome, be joyful and know all is perfect.
Embrace whatever comes as a gift from our creator. (Resistance only makes matters worse.) Detach from things, judgements and expectations regardless of the outcome.

I am back to being your neighbor… And up to my neck in boxes. Unpacking is a process too… Time to “Trust the Process!”

I am sure there are other words that could be understood by just their first letter. Today I want to tackle both the “S” and “F” words because many people spend a lot of time and energy focusing on these words. Believe it or not, as a life coach, I spend a lot of my time helping my clients dissect how these two words can completely sabotage the outcome of their lives. Now, I want to make it perfectly clear that my intention is to help you see these words in a totally different way and embrace every aspect of their meaning. I know, I know what you are thinking… What does she have to say about the “S” and “F” words that others have not already greatly articulated? Hmmm… You might have a point but I will try.

Let’s tackle the “S” word first… Shame! Have you ever done something that if others found out about it, you would deny it to your deathbed? Perhaps there is something you did that others know about it and you live with the consequence of that action every day. Maybe there is someone reminding you about that or no matter what you do, that reminder creeps back. Shame has a purpose. It is to get us to do what is consistent with our core values. In life, we all make decisions sometimes that when looking back, we say, “maaan… I wish I had never done that!” And if we have never had a regret, then go back to our childhood or to the 70’s & 80’s. (Oh, yeah… Remember that? I knew you would.) Many times, that feeling goes away rather quickly. This is normal. But there are times that shame becomes the companion in our life. Nothing we do shakes the memory or feeling. So what is shame? According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, “a painful emotion caused by consciousness of guilt, shortcoming, or impropriety. A condition of humiliating disgrace or disrepute.” To me, shame is also an intense concern of how others interpret our actions. We believe that we have violated their standards or perspectives and we allow this feeling to rule or even override our accomplishments and joy. Shame is truly a judgement of self and others. Which leads me to the “F” word, Forgive. (Oh yes… I said the “F” word!)

Let me cut straight to the chase… Again, according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, the meaning of the word forgive is, “To cease to feel resentment against an offender.” The only way we can get rid of shame is through the “F” word. Realizing we are imperfect and that everything that happens in life has a purpose, will help us to release shame. Let’s face it, we cannot change the past. Each time you remember a “shameful” event (as if you could do anything to change it), it can eat away at you. Shame will shield how you view the world, yourself and eventually create dis-ease. The world says, “forgive & forget!” That saying never made sense to me because unless you have dementia how can you forget. If you forget, you are destined to repeat whatever you need to forgive. I say, “Forgive, Learn & Grow!” Again, whatever you need to forgive can serve as fuel for personal growth. Forgiveness is key to our health. Many believe that to forgive is to release others from wrongdoing. Forgiveness is not for the other person. (Although it might make the other person feel peace.) Forgiveness is for YOU!

Forgiveness, or the process of forgiving, requires self-love. It requires action and the longer it takes you to forgive, the longer you will be bound or stuck. There was a time in my life where I believed that forgiveness needed to be earned. “Jump through hoops, you monkey!” (Is what I wanted to say.) I held on to my lack of forgiveness as if it were the grand prize. That changed when I was faced with having to forgive someone I had loved for a long time. At first, I avoided and I justified my anger. Even though I remained far from that person, the memory haunted me like an annoying song that gets stuck in my head. Then, I noticed unexplained aches and pains in my body. It was as if I had drunk poison and my body was shutting down. I am not proud to admit it but in a way, I was proud of my lack of forgiveness. It was like a medal of honor I had earned!

One morning, while journaling, I read this quote by Buddha, “Holding onto anger and resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other to die.” I realized I had drunk “the purple kool-aid” and it was I who was killing my spirit. It was at that moment that I realized what I needed to do. I wrote in my journal, “Today, I will start the process to forgive. I will no longer hold anger towards you in my heart, mind, body or spirit. I release you and I release myself. From this day on, when I think of you, I will send you peace, love, joy and unexpected abundance. I forgive you and I forgive me for allowing this to happen.” (I knew I had a role in the experience.) At first, I must admit, what I wrote felt unnatural. A part of me did not know if this would work but every day, as part of my morning routine, I sent that person blessings and love. Then a most important thing started to happen, I felt peace, love, joy and experienced abundance! (Be careful what you wish onto others, it does come back to you.) When I saw that person for the first time, I was able to go towards them and give them a hug. They, on the other hand, tried to avoid me but I felt strong enough to deal with their discomfort. As I recall the situation now, I feel grateful for the experience. That person taught me how to truly forgive.

And by the way, just because I forgive, does not mean I will give that person trust. (There is a difference between forgiveness and trust.) I can also choose to love a person from afar. The way you know that you are loving from afar rather than avoiding, is how you feel when you recall that person or situation. If anger creeps up, then you are just avoiding not forgiving. So here are some tips for releasing your shame:

Awareness is key – Own your feelings… No matter how it makes you feel. You can say to yourself, “I feel sad (or whatever feeling).” Without judgement, allow the feeling. If you can change the circumstance, do so right away. But if you cannot change it, then remind yourself that you will learn, grow and be ok.
Realize you are imperfectly human and everyone makes decisions that impact their lives in a perceived positive or negative way. (Please note, I have not used the “M” word… “Mistakes!”) Everything in life has a purpose, even the harder to process consequences in life. This is a time where the experience promotes personal growth. Use this time wisely to learn and grow.
Practice the “C” word, “Compassion.” Whether it is you or someone else who needs compassion, be aware that gentleness and love become fuel to our spirit. We can go further in our journey when we create this kind of safety.
Forgive yourself and others. Forgiveness is a choice to set yourself free. It starts with a decision to forgive and ends with healing. It is not the snake bite that kills you, it is the venom that remains flowing in your veins.

So, have you said the “S” or “F” words lately? Is there venom flowing through your veins? If so, are you ready to release, let go and grow, today?

I remember the day I discovered how water made me feel at home. It was when I drove down City Point Road in Cocoa. When I got to the end of that road, there it was, the Indian River, welcoming me with open arms. I had never experienced that feeling before. We later purchased a home on Indian River Drive and our family spent 8 wonderful years filled with ups & turns. But what is it about water that calls me, that reminds me of who I am? Perhaps it is the reminder that I cannot live without it. Water takes any shape and it can go from boiling to ice. Maybe, it is the strength and power of water. It is vulnerable and easily become contaminated. Too much or not enough water can create disasters. No matter what, water will find a way out, even in the tiniest of cracks. Water is what it is and it makes no apologies!

How does water remind me of me? My entire life has been all about adapting to new environments and flowing with my family. My father was in the military and we moved around a lot. So much so, that I do not remember my childhood friends. I truly believe we have some gypsy blood in us because long after my father retired, which was when I was 7, we continued to move from house to house, city to city. Because of all this moving, I attended 4 different high schools. We even moved in the middle of my senior year! And NO, we were not part of the witness relocation program or running from the law. My father was a wonderful provider and a self-made man. I had to learn at an early age that “New” was good; new house, new school, and new friends. None of these would last long and everything was replaceable. Like water, we kept flowing. Family was all that mattered. We fought like typical siblings but when we were out of the house, we were each other’s best friend. Our family vacations were always by the water. Many of my fondest memories are from when I was at the beach. We laughed, ate and played together. Outside of my family, I didn’t feel as though I fit in. Perhaps I didn’t fit in with my family either. I was shy, skinny and awkward. Humor was my currency.

After I left my parent’s home, my legs were like tree trunks and I started to establish roots. It became my mission to provide constancy for my children. I wanted them to have the stability I had craved. They went to the same schools with the same friends. But our vacations were surrounded by water. I loved going into the water with them. As they grew and left our home, sitting by the shore became comfortable for me. Busyness, success, disappointments, unmet expectations and not wanting to get wet, became my reasons for not going in the water. I ignored my longing to run as fast as I could until I would trip into the water like I did as a child. “The last one in is the rotten egg!” Who wants to be a rotten egg? Not being a rotten egg was a very important priority when I was a kid. Water can be destructive. In a flash, everything we own can be gone. I am truly sorry if you have experienced this kind of devastation. There are certainly times in our lives when things will get tough and be painful. We can be caught off guard and become overwhelmed. I have learned to trust the process and allow life to flow without trying to control it. The more I try to control the flow, the more frustrated I become. When I allow myself to flow with the current and surrender, I learn my greatest lessons and experience humanity at its best.

My husband, Robert, and I just went on vacation and, you guessed it, we went to the beach. As I sat under my umbrella this urge to go into the water overpowered me. I asked Robert if he would go into the water with me and, at first, he didn’t seem interested. I persisted and he agreed. (He is perfect that way.) As I got closer to the water’s edge, my body wanted to turn around but my spirit screamed: “jump, jump!” Little by little, I allowed my body to surrender to the coldness of the water. I realized this was the first time I had been in the water in a very long time. Memories flooded my heart, and I instantly felt reconnected with my spirit. “Just add water” which is what the “instant oatmeal” package suggests. I had forgotten my passion for water. But then again, perhaps, I had forgotten how to take care of me. Yes, it happens to all of us and we need to be aware how quickly we can ignore our self and our needs. We take ourselves for granted… Just like water. Ahhh… That water embraced me like a mother greeting her prodigal daughter. I felt like a fetus in her mother’s womb. Each day, going into the water became a race between Robert and me. While in the water I remembered, I am just like water.

Even when I have no idea how I will do something, a small crack will provide hope. I need to take care of myself and my spirit. Separation of the two will contaminate my spirit and that will pollute who I am. Just like water. The fact is that water needs to flow. If it is stagnant, it will become a breeding ground for bacteria, algae, and mosquitos. If it keeps flowing, it stays fresh and is available for people, animals, and our planet. Like water, I need to keep flowing. If I stop flowing (or stop growing), I will become stagnant and my body may become toxic and unhealthy. I choose to flow like water. What about you? How are you like water? Are you flowing or feel stagnant? Live like water lives… Remember, be flexible, be grateful, and run as fast as you can or you will be the rotten egg!

I have learned about love throughout my entire life. At the age of 5, I told my parents after they had a bad argument, “you both need to be kind and love each other with all your heart!” (Needless to say, they were not expecting that to come out of my mouth.) I also remember learning about love from my paternal grandmother, “Abuela,” at the age of 10. I didn’t see her very often but during one visit she shared the following: (The conversation happened in Spanish and I will translate.)

Abuela: “Lilly, your mom told me that you wanted to quit going to piano lessons.”

Me: “Yes, Abuela!”

Abuela: “Well Lilly, if you stop learning how to play the piano, I will stop loving you.”

I stopped going to piano lessons. In my Abuela’s mind, she was trying to motivate me to continue taking piano lessons but what happened instead was, I grew up feeling “unlovable.” This kind of love is called “Conditional” Love: If you do something I do not like or disappoint me, I will withhold my love. As far as I am concerned, I believe that there are only two types of love, conditional and unconditional.

If I were a conditional lover, these might be my beliefs: When you do something to hurt me, I will act as if you do not exist. Then, I will not look at or acknowledge you until I feel I have punished you enough or you do what I want you to do. My justifiable anger allows me to ignore how you feel. Being right is more important than resolving disagreements. I will forget all the good you have brought into my life because I keep a tally of unmet expectations and will just focus on your faults. This kind of love has more to do with fear and control than love. The consequence of conditional love: It will keep us from experiencing the depths of real love. It often will lead to the destruction of different kinds of bonds, family, friends, partnerships, marriage and nations.

If I were an unconditional lover, these might be my beliefs: I will give you the benefit of the doubt and will discuss how we can make things better. I will let you know that everything will be ok and I will love you, no matter what happens in life. I may not like what you do but I will listen without judgement. I am willing to forgive and grow. Unconditional love, wipes the “tally” slate clean and holds no grudges. I set clear expectations for myself and take 100% responsibility for my actions. This kind of love leads to building relationships. Kindness and compassion are at the core of this kind of love. The consequences of unconditional love: I will experience a deeper awareness of love. Relationships will be healthier, functional, truthful, and loving and get stronger with each circumstance. These lifetime relationships develop a level of love never imaginable.

From time to time we all feel wounded and, out of pride or self-protection, we do not want to make things easier for the one who hurt us. Ultimately, we have a choice. How will we choose to love? (In abuse of any kind, we may need to love someone from afar but, when you recall the individual, still send them love.) Love seemed painful, like a “jumping through hoops” circus act. Even God seemed conditional until I became a student of scripture and that is when my awareness of a different kind of love was sparked. The sad thing about conditional love is that we believe we are loving or being loved. Conditional love is an illusion of what real love is all about but it was the only love I knew.

The first time I truly understood unconditional love was when I held my baby in my arms for the first time. Then as marriage became harder and our children got older, they did not always behave in a way I approved. Judgement and control kept me from loving unconditionally. Each day, I was presented with that choice of love or fear (unconditional vs. conditional) over and over again. But at the time, I didn’t know the difference. I thought love was love. I was wrong! I remember a time that I thought I could not choose unconditional love and I poured out my grief on the pages of my journal. I felt hurt and betrayed by someone I had declared I would always love. I needed to make a choice. I wrote in my journal, “How can I love this person again?” At that moment, I felt divine wisdom say, “My child, you will love them, the way I have loved you!”

Like an arrow, those words pierced my heart and my journey towards unconditional love became a mission. I know I have fallen short of perfection. If I cannot achieve it in myself, then I must accept the same in others. I can choose to separate the person from their actions. I can still love the person and also allow the consequences. Throughout my lifetime, in each stage, I experienced losses that have become lessons towards understanding unconditional love. Now, I can see how each lesson has tenderized my heart. I understand how choosing unconditional love can make a difference in not only my life but in the lives of the people affected by my love.

If you haven’t quite understood what I am trying to convey, let me try it again… It is not just Love that makes a difference… It is Unconditional Love that Always makes a difference and IS the answer to ALL our problems. At first, unconditional love might feel awkward or even as if we are condoning the negative behavior of someone who has hurt us or themselves. The more we practice it, the more natural it will become and the more empowered we will feel. It is love that brings the newborn child into the world but it is unconditional love that instills wholeness in that child’s life. On 6-1-16 Jacob Christopher Bennett was born and as I hold my baby girl’s baby in my arms, tears filled my heart because I rediscovered and experienced a newer level of unconditional love.

Look at your life and take inventory. Who are the people in your life who were sent to teach you unconditional love? Write those names down and make sure you add your own name to that list… Be grateful for those names because forgiveness, acceptance and wisdom will bring you to a new level of love that surpasses all understanding. We are at choice, always. Conditional love IS an illusion… Unconditional Love is the way to peace. What will you choose?

It is time to Stop, Ask and Listen! Stop expecting and Stop pretending that what we do for others is what they need. Ask “How can I help you?” or ask for help After all, who among us is truly a mind reader? (Ok, maybe you are… But really, can you read everything in everyone’s mind? Probably not.) Listen from a place of love and compassion, without judgement. Take all things in and only react in Love. I know what you are thinking… “But what if the other person doesn’t do the same for me?” (Eye for an eye) Then, I will respond the same way my mother responded when I told her “But mommy, everyone else dates before the age of 16!” My mom would say, “I don’t care what everyone else does, I only care what you do!” (Ouch mom… She said it, not me!)

In order to demonstrate using Stop, Ask and Listen, I will lead by example. It is my dream to write an advice column. Although I do a lot of research, I am not a big reader. When I was younger, the only section of the newspaper I would consistently read was “Dear Abby.” I want to be “Dear Lilly!” So with that in mind…

Stop: I am going to stop pretending that what I am doing or writing is making a difference in your life. Tell me what you need so I can truly be there for you.
Ask: How can I support you? What do you need? Are you stuck in bitterness and need to forgive? Do you have issues, troubles, concerns or dilemmas? Could you use a friend to help? Write an email to me: Lilly@WhenYouNeedaFriend.com or call/text at 321-288-5146.
Listen: I want to hear from you. You might not understand this (or maybe you will) but I have an incredible love for you. I want to envelop you with unconditional love until you realize that you were beautifully made and you are enough. I also want you to know that you can do all things. Believe in yourself and the rest will follow.

Now it is your turn… Stop: Breathe… Just sit and breathe… Allow yourself to feel and place your hand over your beautiful heart. Ask: What am I pretending not to know? Sit with yourself, in total honesty. This kind of honesty is another way you can love yourself. (Remember, no judgement, only love) Listen: Make sure you are breathing the way babies breathe and pay attention to whatever comes up. Pretend you are listening to a child who has been hurt and breathe love and forgiveness into your child’s pain. The moment you feel anxious or hear “The Shouldah’s or Couldah’s,” Stop and focus on what love would say. If something comes up when you do this exercise and you need a little help breaking through, then Stop. Go to your computer or get pen and paper. Ask: let me know how I can help. And I will do my best to Listen and respond.

I want to invite you to Stop, weekdays from 8 am to 9 am and Ask you to Listen to all my shows, especially my 5th Year Anniversary show on Monday, May 16th on AM 1060 WMEL. The topic will be focused on what I have learned during these last 5 years. Feel free to call the show that day (321-241-1060) and share any growth experience you have had along the way. A HUGE revelation I have had these last 5 years, is that we are all in this journey together… We are all one. Let’s meet each other, right where we are and grow together. I’ll be right here, right here waiting for you!

That quick exchange after receiving my morning blessing was so comforting to me. In fact, looking back, that quick exchange taught me more than I could have ever imagined.

• It taught me the importance of being ready at all times.
• It taught me to treat motherhood as a career. After all, you wouldn’t show up to work in your pajamas.
• It taught me to be inviting. Never do anything that you wouldn’t want others to see.
• Most important, it taught me to enjoy whatever I do. To be happy or content about my situation and make it fun.

“To the kitchen, you want to come?” Those 7 little words have been with me my entire life… the start of many lessons. Our kitchen was the center of our home and my mom was always at the center of our kitchen. It was where we bonded as a family. It was where my mom would prepare her “secret sauce” for the barbeque feast. That sauce was so “secret” that we would have to leave the room while she prepared it. One day, we snuck back into the kitchen and discovered that she didn’t even know what was in it! 😉 In that kitchen, we would share many conversations, laughter, sadness, prayers and great meals. Our kitchen was where I experienced my first sense of “Christian Community.”

As I grew older and eventually had my first child, I remember one particular morning when I, too, rose early to get ready — just as my mother had done — and much to my surprise, my little girl asked the same question of me. Learn how to step outside your comfort zone. “Mommy, where are you going?” And I smiled and without a thought I said, “To the kitchen, you want to come?” Thank you, Mommy, for being the greatest teacher I’ve ever had!

Now, it is your turn. I would love to hear from you. What did you learn from your Mother?

The California coast was experiencing severe weather and the conditions at The Lost Coast Trail were too dangerous for two inexperienced backpackers, so Sheryl and I made the decision to change trails. (Life is all about “plan B – Z!) Sheryl chose Vicente Flat in Los Padres National Forest. We didn’t know much about the trail other than it was the most travelled and perhaps least demanding. It would require us to hike only 10.8 miles, round trip, and climb 2,360 feet. Prior to beginning our journey, a woman told us to take plenty of water because there was no water source at the top. So, we calculated the water needed for one day and Sheryl decided not to take the water purifier. Butterflies were fluttering in our stomachs. This was the moment we had been planning and there was no turning back.

Lesson #1 – Focus on the beauty of the goal not the burden of the moment.

The mountain looked so massive but the sights of the ocean and the mountains were so breathtaking. I didn’t know if the climb or being in awe was taking my breath away. Perhaps it was both, but climbing with 30 extra pounds on my back seemed unbearable. There were times I felt like “Quasimodo,” but instead of ringing a bell, my number one goal was to place one foot in front of the other. The trail was narrow and with one misstep, the consequences could have been costly. There were times I was distracted by all the white butterflies (not from my stomach) but I quickly learned that I needed to stop if I wanted to admire nature. For that moment, the weight of the backpack became unnoticeable.

Reflection: When we focus on what is wrong, we miss all the beautiful things that are right, in our life. If we want abundance, we need to stop and celebrate all the random pennies we find.

An hour into the hike I started to question my sanity. Thoughts like, “What was I thinking when I said “yes” to this horrible idea?” “Is the goal beyond my reach? And my ding-dang backpack was now weighing about 40 pounds.

Lesson #2 – Trust but verify… We don’t know what we don’t know.

Two miles into our hike, we started hearing a loud noise but no one was around. Finally, we saw other hikers to ask about the noise. They told us about the beautiful roaring river at Vicente Flats. A RIVER? What is a river doing in this mountain? Hmmm… That woman gave us the wrong information but did that matter? No! We went on our journey without verifying what we thought we knew. How could this be? I am “Ms. 100% Responsibility!” The water purifier would have lightened our load by 10 pounds; instead, we now have limited water and my backpack feels like 50 pounds!

Reflection: Many times we treat opinion as truth and formulate our own belief. No matter who we want to blame, we are responsible to learn the truth and for our own journey.

Lesson #3 – Celebrate each accomplishment and feel awe and wonder.

It took 4 hours to go 5.4 miles… We were greeted by the Redwood trees, the roaring river and picturesque area. It looked like a scene from the movie, Avatar! I felt joy permeating every cell of my body. “We did it!” we exclaimed as we High-Fived each other and did a little dance. We were like children pitching our tent right by the river’s edge. There was one thing I refused to do and I did that too. After 7 hours, of holding my bladder, I learned to pee in the woods! (I talk about it on my YouTube channel.)

Reflection: Say “Yes” to life and even peeing in the woods will become an adventure.

Lesson #4 – We can treat life like a “Treadmill” or a “Trail.”

The next morning, we discussed staying another day but there was not enough water or food. It was time to return and complete our journey. We thought a lighter load would make going back easier but to my surprise going down the mountain was harder on my body than I expected, especially on my knees. There was no quitting now! This wasn’t my treadmill at the gym, where I can just get off without a further thought, before reaching the final goal. I was on the trail and I had to create even more energy than when I was going to Vicente Flat. Once we saw Sheryl’s car, as exhausted as we were, the victory dance just came out of us along with laughter and joy while exclaiming, “we did it, we did it, again!”

Reflection: We lie to ourselves by saying, “I really didn’t want that anyway” or “it’s not worth the fight!” We lose sight of our passion, vision and goal. It is time to pretend life is “a trail” and create the life we want.

Lesson #5 – Look back and embrace obstacles.

We encountered many obstacles that blocked our path. We used our “walking sticks” as balance and support to propel us towards our goal. Even the times of miscalculation or flat out mistake, we learned what NOT to do. There were times I thought I was going nowhere but when I looked back, I was able to see how much I had accomplished.

Reflection: Use obstacles as steps, find support and learn from everything. Even if no one acknowledges our accomplishments, it is important that we acknowledge our own true greatness.

Life is an adventure and each adventure is part of a process. Just like the trail, every step we take will lead us to the next and then the next. Focusing on the end is important but celebrate each step along the way, even when the path is tough or painful. In the end you can say, “I did it, I did it again!” Life is a process… Trust The Process!

In January, I submitted my first, EVER, YouTube video for a contest. The contest winners were to be selected and notified by February 16th. Being selected would be a dream come true. Making this video kicked my little behind waaaaayyyy out of my comfort zone. I experienced many breakdowns. I could not figure out why looking into a camera was so difficult for me. I am capable of interviewing and being interviewed, even when cameras are around, but the moment I stare into that lens, I forget whatever I want to say. I truly had to dig within and coach myself into feeling worthy enough to look into a camera, in order to share my passion. My husband (bless his heart) went through this journey with me and even tried coaching me on what to say… Simple right? I just could not do it! Thankfully, after breakdowns, there are breakthroughs! Even though I made it through the process and the video was created, in my heart I knew I was not at my best. I still needed to dive in, head first to answer why this was so difficult for me. I must say, I am so grateful to everyone who helped and cheered me on.

The video was submitted the day before the deadline. For an entire month, I took any thought about my submission out of my head. Life went on as if there was no contest going on. On February 15th , I started feeling irritated at things I do not normally react to. I took a moment to identify what was happening within me and I noticed this lack of “enough-ness” but went about my day. On February 16th the waiting was over; I was not selected. When I learned the names, I became elated for those who were on the list. I could feel their joy. It was the same joy I kept myself from feeling while I waited for the selection process. Now what? When we don’t get what we want, it is time to discover a new path.

I realize that this process was not about being selected. This process was about revealing to me that there are places in my heart that still need mending. My beliefs about the little, shy, ugly girl within, reminded me that it is time to address those “crappy” feelings, in order to make me stronger, wiser and more confident. I am now committed to learn enough about myself so that I will be able to look into a camera and successfully speak from my heart. First, I need to get out of my comfort zone. So what will I do with what I have? How do I take what I learned about myself and grow? I made the decision to fly to California to face these fears. My friend, Heather, is an author and public speaker. She could relate to how I was feeling. Prior to getting comfortable with public speaking, she hired a coach to help her. She sent me her coach’s link because he will be doing a workshop on writing and speaking. This workshop will help me “tell my story” while looking into a camera.

Once I learned about this workshop, I shared it with my friend, Sheryl, who wants to write a book and lives in Lake Tahoe, CA. This friend is always going on adventures, so I sent her a text.

Me: “Would you like to meet me for an adventure?” I also included the link of the workshop.
Sheryl: “Sure, I will go on your adventure but I want to take you on another adventure. The Lost Coast Trail is on my bucket list! It’s a 24 mile hike.”
Me: “Sure, I can walk 24 miles in 2 days… I’m in!”

Sometimes in life, in order to move beyond our limited beliefs, we just need to say, “Yes!” What did I agree to? My idea of roughing it, is a 1-star hotel. I have only gone hiking once in my life and that was 8 miles with Sheryl. Now I have agreed to sleep with rattlesnakes and bears on these 24 miles of disappearing coast where I can be swept away. What? There are no bathrooms, not even a port-o-let! I agreed to what? GULP! By the way, not that I doubt Sheryl’s hiking skills, but if we don’t show up to the workshop, they will immediately send out a search and rescue team to find us. Contrary to what some might believe, I haven’t always lived a charmed life. Just like all of us, I have experienced many trials. But with every situation, I have learned about who I am and what I am about. My biggest realization in creating and submitting the video was that I was ignoring the wounded child within. This wounded child carries “limited beliefs” about what I can or cannot do, who I am and who I am not. Once I acknowledged this truth and listened to that voice deep within, I knew it was time… Time to dig deep, have fun, play and grow. I am not sure what I will learn about myself while on this trip but I promise I will share it with you. It was suggested that my girlfriend wear a GoPro and record our trip. I might even have a few YouTube videos or “sitcoms” to share as well.

So I ask you… Is there a wounded child or limited belief within you that is being ignored? If you were to push that child out of its comfort zone, would it throw a tantrum? What feelings would be revealed? Is there something you have wanted to do but can’t seem to achieve it? Sit with yourself and embrace your own truth. Do this without judgment. Tell yourself, “I am enough,” “I am worthy,” “The power that created me, has given me the power to create the life I desire.” There will be times that a counselor, life coach or wise friend can gently help you. Step boldly outside of what is holding you captive and discover a new you and the beginning of a new adventure.

No matter what spiritual belief we embrace, when we go to a wedding we tend to hear the scripture reading from 1 Corinthians 13. Just in case you have not heard it, this is what it states:  ⁴ Love is patient,  love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 1 Corinthians 13:4-5 New International Version (NIV)

So, I get it! I know what love is, and what it is not, until you get me upset, frustrated or (fill in the blank with your own feeling)! There are many kinds of love, the love between and among parents, children, family, friends, lovers and strangers. Love fuels the spirit and spirit transcends all understanding. But why are so many relationships in turmoil? In order to give love, we must know love. How can we know love when we don’t love or accept ourselves for who we are? So let’s take a look at self-love.

Self-love is developed as a child. When we are born, we are perfect! Then what happens before the age of seven is that we are in a hypnotic state and we are like mini tape recorders. These tape recordings become our subconscious beliefs about ourselves as we continue in life. There are times when things happen to cause a warped view of who we are. As a result, the most important “love” relationship EVER, our own self-love, becomes neglected. If this is true for you and you are neglecting yourself, you will see in others what you refuse to see in yourself. Instead of looking at why you are not happy, it becomes easier to focus on others. What if we truly took a good look within, would you like what you see? Would you recognize yourself? Are there patterns you want to change? Is there a story in your head you keep telling yourself? Who is that voice in your head?

For many, this voice could be the voice of a parent, relative, stranger, schoolmate, bully, abuser, or boss. For me, the voices in my head came from my 2nd grade teacher, Mr. Torres, who told me “I would never amount to anything.” Then, at the age of 10 years, when my paternal grandmother learned that I wanted to stop taking piano lessons, she shared that “if I stopped taking piano lessons, she would not love me.” Well, I did stop taking piano lessons and I took my “unlovable” self into every relationship afterwards. In a way, I knew those two individuals were trying to motivate me to do more or work harder. But it took going back, as an adult, to recognize how those words were still playing in my head and impacting every relationship, every argument, every unspoken disappointment.

Anytime I worked hard to learn a new skill or every time a relationship would end, that voice would confirm that I was unlovable and insignificant (I didn’t even know I was doing it). It took soul searching to discover the origin of that voice. Once I found its origin, I was able to release its power that held me captive. Then, I was able to change the voice in my head to a new positive truth. I was also fortunate to have heard a priest say, when I was 9 years old, “there are people who complain because they have no shoes to wear, but if you look at your neighbor, they might not have any feet.” So I became grateful for everything that happened (Even the things I did not understand). Boy, I feel so lucky to have learned this lesson!

We walk around as wounded children wanting to have successful relationships. First, we need to become whole adults. It is time to have that relationship you truly want. It is time to be vulnerable and acknowledge those voices in your head that are not supporting you. It is time to say, “I am enough and I deserve to be who I was created to be.” It is time to be the most beautiful, imperfect creation and make peace with those voices. Invite your vulnerabilities to everything you do and see how, when you change, everyone changes around you.

Now, I want you to get those “soul journals” out and write 25 things you want in a partner. On the top of the list, I suggest you write, “The relationship I desire.” Then start writing all the attributes, characteristics, and desires you have for that relationship (from 1 to 25). This is a good thing to do if you are already in a relationship or if you are looking for one. After you are done, check out every detail of what you want. (Nice… You really know how to pick them!)

Finally, after you write your top 25, I have one more request but it will require you to email me at Lilly@WhenYouNeedaFriend.com or call and leave a message for me at (407-373-5959) and I will give you that special next step. It is time to discover your greatest love; you! I look forward to hearing from you. Happy Valentine’s Day!

It never fails, on the first Monday of January the gyms are filled with well meaning “resolutionists.” In my heart of hearts, I know that if I wait until February my favorite treadmill will become available. This sounds a bit cynical but I am not a spring chicken and have seen many Februarys. The reality is, only 8% of resolutions are kept. So I ask, what did that 8% do differently? I propose that they did not just make a resolution. Rather, they made a commitment to a new thought, a new feeling, a new action and a new now, every day.

Rather than focusing on the #1 resolution, “weight loss,” how about if we focus on releasing the limited belief that if we take a pill or try any kind of short cut, we will somehow have the body of our dreams. “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at, change.” Max Planck, Nobel Prize winner in Physics, 1918. I am not a nutritionist nor do I hold any certifications in weight management. I am a student of nutrition. Here is what I do know, once I embraced my true self and stopped the self-sabotaging thought patterns, my health improved dramatically.

The Lillian McDermott Radio Show is committed to assisting you in taking 100% Responsibility for everything in your life, including your health. So if you are ready to commit to your health, it is time to take out your journal and your “soul shovel” and start the digging! To help, I would like to share what I have learned along the way and offer some suggestions.

Fall in love – When you look in the mirror, what do you see? Do you recognize yourself? Do you make time for yourself? Do you feel worthy to achieve what you want? What happened? If you could not repeat to a child what you are telling yourself, then it is time to reprioritize. Become your #1 priority. Action: Take my “90 Day Challenge to Self-Love!” Get the free eBook when you subscribe to my website.

Release your limited belief – We deserve to stop “losing weight.” I don’t know about you but when I lose my keys, I do everything I can to find them. So no more saying, “I want to lose weight!” Instead, get to the root cause of what you want. “I want to be healthy.” But how? What does “healthy” mean to you? What are you willing to do in order to achieve health? Action: Protect your thoughts.

Set clear realistic goals – No one ever wakes up 20 pounds overweight. It takes a while to get there. Give yourself time. Remember this is a “lifestyle change.” After the weight has been released, you still need to recommit to your commitment for the rest of your life. Action: Write goals down – Answer: How much? By when? How?

Embrace a lifestyle change – The word “diet” has a short-term mindset with an end date. I heard a man state that he wanted to lose 100 pounds so he could walk his daughter down the aisle. He wanted to look good. Although that was a great motivator, what will happen to him once he walks his daughter down the aisle? Once you reach your goal, then what? Is the diet over? Let’s be real. How many times do you see “The Biggest Loser” gain their weight back? Action: Find accountability partner and join a gym.

Learn the truth about your DNA – Did you know that you are not a victim of your genes? World-renowned scientist, Dr. Bruce Lipton, was on my show in 2014. He shared that our genes have very little to do with our health. What we inherit is the way our parents taught us to eat, think and act. This is great news! It is time to learn a new truth about your genes and change our now. Action: Get The Biology of Belief, by Dr. Bruce Lipton.

Learn about nutrition – The body wants to be healthy and will reach that goal when given what it needs. If you were entrusted with the safekeeping of a Holy Temple, would you knowingly allow terrorists in? Well, your body is your temple and a few of those “terrorists” are wheat, dairy, sugar and artificial sweeteners. Learn about and eat the foods that promote health. Use your fork as a way to heal. Action: Watch the documentary “Forks Over Knives” but there are more I can suggest.

Take 100% Responsibility – Listen live to The Lillian McDermott Radio Show and learn from the experts. This year already, we have learned about nutrition from Dr. Caldwell Esselstyn, Dr. Michael Greger, Dr. Joel Fuhrman and Dr. John McDougall. In February, Dr. Dean Ornish and once again, Dr. Bruce Lipton, will be sharing their wisdom. These are all great teachers who allowed me to see that I can reverse and prevent my disease and you can too. Action: Visit my free website. Subscribe and listen to my daily and past shows. Make 2016 The Best Year EVER!

Three years ago, right after Christmas, my girlfriend and her husband received a call that would change their lives. They learned that their 33-year-old son was found unresponsive on the floor of his apartment and was being transported to the closest hospital. Their son could not breathe on his own and was immediately placed on a respirator. Eventually the decision was made to take this beautiful young man off his life support. The hope for a miracle diminished with each passing day until he took his last breath.

My husband and I decided to attend the celebration for his life. When we arrived, I saw my beautiful friend standing tall like an oak tree and noticed that there was a line forming to offer condolences. While I waited in that line, I overheard the woman before me say to my friend, “I am so sorry your son died!” My friend, without skipping a beat, replied with a tender and hopeful voice; “oh no, my son is not dead, he ascended!”

I must admit, at first I thought my friend was in total denial and was off her rocker. But I discovered that even in our darkest moments, we can become great teachers. Her nine little words pierced my heart and became a moment that would forever change the way I viewed death. As I hugged my girlfriend, words did not need exchanging… We looked lovingly into each other’s eyes and our tears spoke into our souls. (Sometimes words can ruin what needs to be felt. When in doubt, let your actions do the talking.)

So why am I sharing this story during “The Most Wonderful Time of the Year”? Well, because I know that chances are, you could be experiencing a loss that is very great. For every birthday, holiday or great news you hear, that special loved one is not there with you. As a certified life coach, radio show host and curious student of life, I know all too well how you must feel. Our ways, our understandings and our beliefs are so limited compared to God’s ways. At times like these, we feel the incredible void our loved ones leave behind. We might never understand the true beauty of joining our creator in heaven until we get there but I have learned that Spirit Never dies… Spirit simply changes form.

Our loved ones are right beside us. We need to continue to invite them to all of our family gatherings. Or we can invite them to simply sit beside us and hold our hands. Call on them anytime there is a need, the only difference is that we do not need to use a phone. Our loved ones are a thought away and live forever in our hearts. If we listen close enough, we will be able to hear their laughter or loving advice, even in the silence.

If you are experiencing loss during the holidays, remember how your loved one liked celebrating. If they liked dancing, dance! If they liked singing, sing! And if they liked serving or volunteering, do that as well. We do not see air, yet we breathe it. We do not see love, yet we feel it. If we only knew who walked beside us, we would never feel alone. Spirit never dies… Spirit surpasses all understanding and physical limitations.

They say that “time heals everything” and I say, “time heals nothing.” What we do and how we grow during that time is what heals! May the Peace that transcends all understanding be with your spirit!

Three years ago, right after Christmas, my girlfriend and her husband received a call that would change their lives. They learned that their 33-year-old son was found unresponsive on the floor of his apartment and was being transported to the closest hospital. Their son could not breathe on his own and was immediately placed on a respirator. Eventually the decision was made to take this beautiful young man off his life support. The hope for a miracle diminished with each passing day until he took his last breath.

My husband and I decided to attend the celebration for his life. When we arrived, I saw my beautiful friend standing tall like an oak tree and noticed that there was a line forming to offer condolences. While I waited in that line, I overheard the woman before me say to my friend, “I am so sorry your son died!” My friend, without skipping a beat, replied with a tender and hopeful voice; “oh no, my son is not dead, he ascended!”

I must admit, at first I thought my friend was in total denial and was off her rocker. But I discovered that even in our darkest moments, we can become great teachers. Her nine little words pierced my heart and became a moment that would forever change the way I viewed death. As I hugged my girlfriend, words did not need exchanging… We looked lovingly into each other’s eyes and our tears spoke into our souls. (Sometimes words can ruin what needs to be felt. When in doubt, let your actions do the talking.)

So why am I sharing this story during “The Most Wonderful Time of the Year”? Well, because I know that chances are, you could be experiencing a loss that is very great. For every birthday, holiday or great news you hear, that special loved one is not there with you. As a certified life coach, radio show host and curious student of life, I know all too well how you must feel. Our ways, our understandings and our beliefs are so limited compared to God’s ways. At times like these, we feel the incredible void our loved ones leave behind. We might never understand the true beauty of joining our creator in heaven until we get there but I have learned that Spirit Never dies… Spirit simply changes form.

Our loved ones are right beside us. We need to continue to invite them to all of our family gatherings. Or we can invite them to simply sit beside us and hold our hands. Call on them anytime there is a need, the only difference is that we do not need to use a phone. Our loved ones are a thought away and live forever in our hearts. If we listen close enough, we will be able to hear their laughter or loving advice, even in the silence.

If you are experiencing loss during the holidays, remember how your loved one liked celebrating. If they liked dancing, dance! If they liked singing, sing! And if they liked serving or volunteering, do that as well. We do not see air, yet we breathe it. We do not see love, yet we feel it. If we only knew who walked beside us, we would never feel alone. Spirit never dies… Spirit surpasses all understanding and physical limitations.

They say that “time heals everything” and I say, “time heals nothing.” What we do and how we grow during that time is what heals! May the Peace that transcends all understanding be with your spirit!

Are you currently dealing with an issue that causes you to believe that once your situation is resolved, you will be happy? Well, it is time to dig and dig deeper! Life is a journey and each step takes us to where we need to go. Everything that happens along the way are gifts and lessons. These gifts and lessons are part of the process designed to bring us awareness and enlightenment.

Imagine, you are Dorothy from “The Wizard of Oz,” and you have set a destination to achieve your goal. Dorothy’s goal was to get “The Wizard” to send her back home. Along the way, she got off the “yellow brick road” only to meet others who were also finding their path and they eventually helped each other. Every time Dorothy found herself off her path, as we often do, a series of events caused her to learn a little more about herself. (Some could call these “mistakes” but I call them “growth opportunities.”) Later in the story, we see her growth as she discovered that she had the power to go anywhere she wanted to go.

Her journey had an end goal but through the process, she believed that someone else had the power she did not possess. Her beliefs of “not being enough” or “I will be happy once I am home,” caused her to be fearful and at times, anxious. Like Dorothy, we can lose our perspective and look outside ourselves for validation. We look outside ourselves to define our happiness when in fact, our circumstances don’t define us. Every step she took brought her closer to her “Oz” and even when off the path, she grew even stronger. This is the process of life and with each step we take, even when perceived as “wrong,” it leads us back to our “yellow brick road.” If we trust the process, we will see that it is during these times that we receive our best gifts and learn our best lessons.

So too has this beautiful man with big unfulfilled dreams. He has stepped away from his “yellow brick road” and a new adventure has started. This adventure will require looking within for the answers and getting crazy uncomfortable. If he were to look at his life through the eyes of “life is perfect,” he would be grateful for each step in his journey. Some steps lead him closer and other steps take him further away from his path. Regardless, they both serve as lessons and it is ultimately his choice to learn from each.

Have you lost sight of your “yellow brick road?” All you need is 20 seconds of the courage of a lion, the heart of a tin man and the brain of a scarecrow, to return to your “yellow brick road.” Even when there is uncertainty, enjoy the adventure and know, you’ve had the power all along.

When we think of “responsibility,” it is usually connected with duty, blame, fault or shame. Typically, using this word might sound like this, “It is your fault, but I will have to take responsibility!” or “My parents are older and it is my responsibility to take care of them.” This kind of “taking responsibility” puts us in a place of being a victim and takes away our choice. (Therefore, I will take responsibility because no one else will.)

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, a victim is a person who has been attacked, injured, robbed, fooled or killed by someone else. Unfortunately, we carry this victim mentality in our daily lives, as if it were a part of us. Do you feel like a victim because of what someone did to you? There are times that we truly are victimized but if we continue to allow that incident to replay in our heads, the act perpetrated, will forever define how we look at lives. It is time to redefine the word responsibility so that we are no longer a victim, which leads to helplessness, into being empowered! If we are ready to accept this new way of “looking at things,” I am hopeful our lives will change, as well.

Ready? Get a new journal or paper and on the top of each page write down anything you are having trouble letting go of and putting in your past. Below your statement, you will answer 4 questions as stated below. Each page must only deal with one issue. So let me give you an example on how taking responsibility will allow empowerment in our lives.

I was coaching someone who had been sabotaging their life. They escaped dealing with their issue with alcohol and drugs. They could not figure out why they were so unhappy and quick to anger. After listening to their story, we discovered that they had unresolved abandonment issues and this person was angry with their father. As a result, they felt unworthy and unlovable. So below are the responsibility questions and my client’s responses: Please keep in mind that these questions are asked only for clarity and not to find fault, blame or shame. (No different to 2+2=4… No one would ever say; “I cannot believe 2+2=4, 4 just is!)

How did I create the situation?  I was born into my family.
What did I learn or what are the gifts & lessons?  I know what it feels like to be abandoned and will never leave my child. I know that I was uniquely created with my Mom & Biological father’s DNA.
Because of him, I was born. I am grateful.
What is going to be different?  Every time I think of this man, I will wish him well and send him love because my anger is only hurting me, not him. Instead of anger, I will be grateful for my gift of life.
How will I use this experience to help others?  I will help other abandoned children see how special they are. Because of my experience, my children will have a loving father.

Our experiences can be used as fuel that propels us or as poison that paralyzes us. Taking 100% Responsibility is a choice that gives us our power back.  What will you choose?

When I was younger and less aware, whenever there was a disagreement with a loved one, the disagreement and “being right” became the focal point. There were times that those disagreements created distance and unfortunately, sometimes even an end to a relationship. There is an attitude, even if we don’t say it, that in order for me to be right, you must be wrong, or, in order for me to win, you must lose. This ideology is ingrained in us, not only by observing other people, but if you look at the media, sporting events and wars, you will see that theme throughout. “Always” and “never” are words of illusion and they make us think we are right in order to win an argument.

I remember going to a marriage counselor because the need to be right was more important than being love. Finally, after weeks of speaking to our counselor, his simple question came, “do you want me to help your marriage or do you want me to help you prepare for divorce?” My husband and I looked at each other and both said, “our marriage is 95% great and we do not want a divorce.” To that he said, “then stop acting as if the 95% does not exists!” What? That cannot be, this was foreign to both of us. That is when our shift started to occur.

How many times do we have an argument with someone we love, someone who has been there for us and has stood for us in love and in compassion? And even if we share many positive experiences with them, we are willing to walk away just because of an argument or disagreement? All of a sudden, none of those memories or moments matter.

Nick Anderson of the Orlando Magic was a wonderful, highly skilled basketball player and by the way, one of my favorites. He was the “go to guy” and a wonderful 3-point shooter, often, the star of each game. I remember the moment that Nick needed to make one of three free throws and Orlando would win a critical NBA finals game. All eyes were on Nick. Every fan who watched the game saw the look on his face when not one ball went into the basket and Orlando lost that game. It was devastating. Really? The man was an awesome player but all of a sudden, nothing he ever did for the team before that moment mattered. That is when I realized that we treat each other exactly the same way. We put the focus on the last thing someone did, and they are only as good as their last basket.

Here is the other side that we never think about: We all won! We were all entertained, every player got paid, the franchise owners, restaurants, vendors, media, marketers, TV all made massive amounts of money. But the illusion that one team won and the other team lost continues. Nick became an “always misses” statistic.

It is time to look at our relationships in their entirety and truly love. What are you willing to do to make that happen?

There was a time that I totally relied on that voice. As I got older, listening to that internal voice caused me to make some difficult choices. Those choices lead to a series of painful losses. I do not know about you, but making choices that lead to pain, even if we know it is right, will make us question if we made the right decision.

No one wants to make a difficult choice, but now I know it is part of everyone’s journey. I became so good at ignoring “the voice” that as an adult, every time I heard “the voice,” I would “think, think, think,” as Winnie the Pooh would say, and then I rethink again.

In June 2009, I received a wakeup call and a new opportunity to start trusting that voice again. My son & I were part of a contemporary Christian singing group; he played guitar and I was the lead singer. As I was getting ready to leave for church, I went upstairs to make enlarged copies of my music. I then noticed that if we left at that moment, we would be late. I grabbed all my books (I must admit, it was a “lazy-man’s load”) and began to head downstairs when all of a sudden, I heard “the voice” tell me, “take off your shoes.” So I thought, “If I take off my shoes, I have to come back up to get them and that would cause me to be later than I am already.” Again I heard, “take off your shoes!” But this time I ignored the voice and took my first step down and that was the last time I had control of my body. I fell down the wooden stairs like a tumbleweed and ended up at the bottom of the stairs, not knowing what happened. Needless to say… I didn’t make it to church that day but that lesson changed my life.

Have you ever watched a nature movie where the camera is focused on a deer drinking water from a stream when all of a sudden it stops drinking and senses the danger coming its way? Without thought, the deer takes off in the opposite direction. In the next scene, we see a tiger looking for a meal to bring home. We “evolved” humans are the only species that ignores that voice. We sense danger and go towards it. We don’t want to offend and at times, place ourselves in unfortunate situations. Animals, on the other hand, hear the voice and react. I now call that voice my intuition but how do we tune in?

Listen to your body – Stop, Feel and Act.
Journal – Before you start your day or when facing any choice, sit with yourself and write the desires within. It is amazing how much you will discover about yourself within a short period of time.

We were created with everything we need to thrive. It is time to listen to our best friend, our intuition. It will always guide us but first we must value that we are enough. Trust that voice and know that whatever happens, growth will occur.

The lyrics for the chorus are: “She’s got her father’s eyes, her father’s eyes. Eyes that find the good in things when good is not around. Eyes that find the source of help when help just can’t be found. Eyes full of compassion, seeing every pain, knowing what you’re going through and feeling it the same, just like her father’s eyes.”

So what is a father? Here is how I answer that question.

F – First to come to the rescue whenever anything needs correcting, fixing or mending.

A – A little girl’s first love.

T – Thoughtful provider who does whatever it takes for his family, friends and co-workers.

H – Helping hands to build, grill, straighten, transport and add humor.

E – Example to every young boy who will become a man and perhaps, a father as well.

R – Responsible, resourceful, respectful and relaxing

S – Sacred and holy, honor given by our creator.

When I think of my father, I am grateful beyond words and a smile comes to my face. My daddy is all of the above and more. Even when I was unhappy with his delivery or decisions, deep down inside I knew he loved me and he wanted the best for me. He is now 83 and much of who I am comes from him. He taught me who I wanted to become.

Fathers do not always provide, protect, guide and love. I once read that when a father abandons a child, it leaves a hole in the kid’s soul. I understand not all fathers are created equal. If this describes your situation, then know how truly sorry I am for your pain, but here is what I know. Your DNA was perfectly selected and you were perfectly created. Your creator wanted you to be born and he allowed for it to happen. If nothing else, be grateful that your father gave you life. Look beyond earthly things and look up to God, who loves you. He is perfect and can fill that hole. He will never abandon us.

As I observe family and friends with their children, I realize how lucky I am to be surrounded with such wonderful fathers. And in my immediate family, I have been truly blessed to witness what a father’s love truly looks like. Fathers have many stresses and are often misunderstood. But when it comes down to it, not only are we born with our earthly “Father’s Eyes,” we should also strive to view ourselves and others through God’s eyes.

What are the qualities you are most grateful for in your father?

Although I knew my brother and mother would be with my dad, the only thought I had was that I needed to be by his side as well. Later in the day, it was confirmed that it was indeed a stroke and now the reality of “stepping it up and doing whatever it takes” to get him well became our goal. The word of my father’s stroke spread fast… I started receiving calls and texts of prayers and kind words of comfort. I even started hearing from people I had not heard from in years.

I believe that everything happens for a reason but it is our responsibility to sit, without judgement, with whatever situation we find ourselves in and search for the gifts and lessons. Which is exactly what I did. Even though I typically call my parents once or twice a week and we get together on special occasions, I found myself traveling to the hospital, and now rehab, each day. My schedule did not free up and I still have much to do, so I started to ask myself many questions. Why do illnesses, accidents or catastrophes bring people together? Why am I so busy that I only call my parents once a week? Why are people calling me and showing me concern just because my father had a stroke? I had so many “why” questions that I wanted to share my gifts and lessons.

As I sat with my emotions, what kept coming up, like food poisoning in my stomach, were the words and feelings of “taking for granted!”
Before we know it, we grow up, our children get older and life becomes a routine. We are “busy” and make time for fortune, fame, awards, recognition. Without realizing it, the things that really do matter, spending time with our loved ones, become things “we schedule.” This can cloud our eyes, our hearts and create distance with the people who matter most.

If you knew that someone you loved would die tomorrow, would it make a difference? What would you do to see them? Would you stop what you are doing to visit or would you take time off to go to their funeral? Would you be able to forgive a grudge or unkind words or would you hold on to the bitterness like a badge of honor? We are fortunate that my father is in good spirits and we are hopeful that he will have a speedy recovery but what if he hadn’t survived?

So I ask you, must you wait for a catastrophe to reprioritize? Will you live as if it was your last day? Is there someone you need to call today? It is time to let go, forgive, reconcile and renew. Act as if tomorrow was your last day. Life is Urgent!

I wanted to create a new word that aligned with my perspective on positive thinking and that is when the word “Gratefulizing” was born. Gratefulizing is seeing the beauty no matter what is happening in our lives. When it is raining, a gratefulizer will tell us how their car is getting washed or the garden is being watered.

Gratefulizers know there is always a good reason for what is happening. Even when they are not happy about a situation, they know things will be OK. Gratefulizers do not equate “blessing” with only good fortune. They know a difficult time will become an opportunity to grow.

If your tendency is to awfulize, here are some tips on how to become a gratefulizer:

1. Be willing to catch people doing good things. Compliment instead of finding fault.

2. Be aware and share “what went right,” rather than “what went wrong.”

3. Be a bearer of good news so that when someone asks, “how are you doing?” you will be able to share all that is good.

Gratefulizing is contagious and inspires empowerment, peace, acceptance and love everywhere you go. Can you imagine a world full of gratefulizers?

To quote Mahatma Gandhi: “Be the change that you wish to see in the world.”

We all have our moments of being “squeezed” or tested. It’s important to be aware of what’s inside us and that is primarily influenced by how we handle these moments. I have certainly had my share of these moments but when I reflect on why something is happening or why I am going through a trial, I always find that I’m being called to a higher or different place. I need to go through whatever it is so I can learn forgiveness, compassion and unconditional love.

If I am truly honest with myself, the moments when I have felt squeezed were the times I have grown the most. There have been many times when I was not proud of the “juice” that came out of me. The more I am aware that I can choose my reactions, the faster my recovery. Do I want to go through trials? HECK NO!!! If it is happening, there must be a lesson to learn.

When gold is tested in fire, the impurities rise to the surface and are scraped off. The less impurities the more valuable the grade of gold. How we get through our trials defines who we really are and hopefully, by the time we receive our last trial, we can smile, be grateful, and know we are the most valuable grade!

What comes out of you when you are going through your trials?

Let’s do an exercise together. Please pause and think of a time you felt sad, embarrassed, hurt, or frustrated. Think of that moment and when you feel the feeling then stop. Notice your body and how you are feeling. Now, start thinking about your favorite childhood memory or a time you felt joy, love, or appreciated. Think of that moment and when you feel the feeling then stop. Again, notice your body and how you feel. Enjoy whatever feelings you are currently having and remain there for as long as you like.

Did you see how differently you felt? We do this “exercise” all day long with our more than 70,000 daily thoughts. If we have negative thoughts such as doubts, they will affect our actions and our results. Shift to positive, supportive thoughts and they will help us reach our goals.

Regardless of what is going on in your life, take inventory and ask, “What is the life of my dreams?” Take time to write down your goals, desires and dreams. Become aware and ask yourself, “are my thoughts supporting the kind of life I want?” If not, shift, just like you did during our exercise.

Negative thoughts will hold you back but Positive thoughts lead to the life of your dreams!

What would happen if I focused on what I wanted? My previous statements would become; “I am healthy,” “I want a loving relationship with a sober whole person!” “I want to retire from my job someday, at the right time!” “I want to be on time!” Get the point?

We have over 70,000 thoughts a day. Knowing that these thoughts are creating our reality, why would anyone want to waste a precious thought on negativity? So protect your thoughts! Oh boy, did you just roll your eyes? If you are reading this article thinking, “this is a bunch of bull, I tried this and it doesn’t work!” Well, you are right because you went back to your negative thoughts. So let’s set ourselves up for success!

What are your reoccurring thoughts? Get those thoughts out of your head and write them down. Next to them, rephrase them by writing what you want. Keep doing this exercise until “what you want” comes naturally. Dare to dream, dare to look at what could go right and dare to know you are enough!

Become aware of the thoughts in your head and create the life of your dreams. You deserve it!