This weekend I had the opportunity to grow with a group of friends.  Together, we completed a “ropes course”.  We played like little kids and had a lot of fun but each game we played,  contained many lessons…  Because I had already experienced one of the games, the facilitator asked that I be blind, deaf & mute during the entire process and placed a blindfold over my eyes (For those of you who don’t know me very well, you would think I got paid by the word… 😉 )  What happened next was totally unexpected.  All my other senses became very strong but I could not use these senses to help my team.  The only thing I could do was “Trust the Process!”

The goal was the following: We were all trying to get 16 people through a hula-hoop.  Two different people were holding the hoop and all 16 of us were holding hands.  We could not let go or touch the hoop.  The hoop symbolized a “ring of fire” and if any part of our bodies touched the ring, the process would “reset” and we would start again.

Needless to say, there was a lot of discussion and many tried to make me laugh but I stayed true to my commitment to be silent.  When the time came to put me through the “ring of fire”, the team thought I was resisting or making it difficult to get me through the ring.  In reality, I could not move due to the positioning of my body.  My friends or “the team” quickly analyzed the situation and saw that I was really off balance; I didn’t have to say a word and once they realized, they followed through with the necessary adjustments.  It wasn’t long before we achieved success…  We all made it through the ring, my blindfolds came off and we celebrated; VICTORY!

So here comes a random Winnie-the-Pooh quote; Some people talk to animals. Not many listen though. That’s the problem.” ― A.A. Milne

The next morning, as I was drinking my decaffeinated coffee my dog, Five Pound Maximus or “Max” for short, interrupted my quiet time.  He looked at me and looked at the back door…  Then looked at me and looked at the back door.  It became apparent that he needed to go out.  (He also does this when he wants water or food but it goes like this…  He somehow gets my attention, normally with a quick bark, looks at me and runs to his water/food bowl.)  Max never says a word yet, I know exactly what he wants!

Why am I connecting these two stories?  Because they have many lessons in common!

When my friends stopped thinking I was working against them, they saw I was in need and willingly gave me support.  Max came to me and I put aside my need for comfort.

Awareness… When there is awareness, not many words need to be spoken!

I want to encourage you to witness the world expecting nothing and willing to support.  Please share with all of us so you can become our teacher…   I cannot wait to read what you learned!

  1. I am glad I have this site to come to as I am feeling all alone right now. It’s much easier to type my “feelings” vs calling someone or talking on the phone. My Mom has stage 4 lung cancer with mets to the bone and has just had surgery to get a tumor or mass on her adrenal gland out. She is still in the hospital.
    My Mom was angry with me for calling the nurses and Docs to see how she was doing… ie pain, shortness of breath etc. She said I was harassing them and that they were busy. She took my name off of the list for getting information and put my daughter on. I’ve tried to call her and the message to me was not to call her anymore. They are trying to blame ME for her blood pressure going up the last few days. I’m devastated and so heart-broken! At times I feel like I’d rather be the one in the bed with the PCA pump. I’m a nurse and you would think she would want someone to check on her and make sure they are doing everything to make her comfortable. No one else cares like I do? We never did get along very well but I’ve been trying so hard to make it better before she leaves us and she just WON’T let me. I don’t understand this at all? Any input to help me “FEEL” better would be much appreciated. I’m trying not to react to any of this and understand it, but it is so damned difficult. I did’t ask to be here… she was very young and did the best she could. I have forgiven all of that and moved on. What’s important is NOW and the clock is ticking. I’m willing to move there to help her but for some reason she can’t stand the sight of me. I brought my kids up there to see her and give her a hug and kiss. She was nice to them, but when it was time for us to leave, she cringed when I touched her, wiped my kisses off and pulled the covers over her head. I cried all the way home. This is so hard for me. I’m not a loser! I’m an RN with 2 associates degrees. She stated that if I want to know how she’s doing to get an update from her Fiancé and he has not been very nice to me either. He told me this has been going on for a long time with you and your Mother… I’m not getting in the middle of it! WOW… It’s a good thing I have Grandchildren who love me and keep me motivated. I’m trying not to react and remain stable and function as normal but this all keeps coming up to haunt me and I break down and cry. I FEEL HELPLESS and extremely sad! I’ve never heard of such a thing…. : (

    • Dear Barbara,
      I am so sorry this is happening with your mom… I am sure this experience has brought you many growth opportunities and I hope our phone conversation helped you to feel empowered!

      Since many of us have felt how you are feeling how about if we use this as a teachable moment?

      It can be painful when someone rejects us; especially when that person is a relative.
      When we have gone out of our way and done everything to support that person, we have to ask ourselves the following question… “Would I feel hurt if this person was a stranger?” Unless you feel the need to have everyone like you, the answer to that question is most likely; “NO”!
      Think about it… Why would there be a difference just because they are related? So let’s see how we can learn from this.

      Here are some questions we can ask, when trying to be helpful:

      1. Are they open for my help?
      Sending a card, making a meal or saying prayers are always welcome but if the person is resisting, wait for their cue. As much as one might want to help the people we love, if they aren’t open to being helped we can simply offer love and be there when asked.

      2. Did I ask for permission to help?
      Another way to be helpful is by asking the person who needs help; “How can I support you?” It is always good to do an “awareness” check… Did someone ask for my help or am I forcing my views or opinions onto that person? (Regardless of our intention to be lovingly helpful.)

      They might not know what they need but once they know; do it right away! Ask for preferences or as much detail as possible. If they do not care how it is done, do it to the best of your ability.

      A poem that has been dear to my heart for many years comes to mind…

      “People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.

      If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.

      If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.

      If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.

      What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.

      If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.

      The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.

      Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.

      In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.
      ~Mother Teresa~

      Continue to Pray, continue to love unconditionally and continue to be helpful but only when needed. There are times, when we will need to love people from afar. Be aware and learn how to receive graciously! We do not know why people react the way they do. In this case, we don’t know if it’s medications or if this person is potentially not of sound mind all we can do is Forgive anyway!

      Thank you for reaching out & trusting me…

      Does anyone else want to share how they got through a similar time?

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